Heart of Magic
by Loopstagirl
Summary: Grief and guilt lay heavily on Merlin after Freya's death. But after helping Arthur rescue a girl in the forest, Merlin starts to believe again. In love, in hope, and in himself.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners._

 _I know it has been a long time since I've posted anything, let alone a multi-chapter story. Real life has a way of getting in the way. I hope some of the Merlin fandom are still around to enjoy this!_

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Merlin stopped, one hand resting on a tree as he stared out across the lake in front of him. He had been stumbling after Arthur all morning and hadn't been paying attention where they were going. Now, however, he knew exactly where they were. Only this time, the sun was shining brightly and he could hear Arthur creeping through the undergrowth somewhere behind him. But Merlin stopped, staring at the body of water and feeling tears film his eyes.

He blinked rapidly. He couldn't cry. Not here and certainly not now. He couldn't believe it had been a month since he had laid Freya to rest. So much had happened with Arthur's latest brush with magic and the enchantment that had left him a gibbering fool in love. Merlin would have mocked him more if he didn't know that Arthur was beginning to understand what love meant now that he had noticed Gwen.

How could he mock their love when his own had been torn from him before he had the chance to explore it? He swallowed hard, adamant that he wasn't going to cry, but unable to stop his heart twisting painfully in his chest.

At least he had given her a resting place where she could be peaceful.

" _Mer_ lin! Come on!"

Merlin turned, leaving his hand resting on the tree trunk for a moment as he looked back. Then he smiled a sad smile and set off after his master. Freya was gone, at peace now. Arthur, on the other hand, still had Merlin running around non-stop and he knew if he didn't find the prince fast, Arthur would no doubt find trouble before Merlin could arrive to save him.

It didn't take Merlin long at all to find the prince. He was crouched behind a bush, studying a print on the ground. He looked up as Merlin almost fell over him, arms wind-milling as he attempted to remain upright.

"What _are_ you doing, Merlin? What took you so long?"

"I-never mind." Merlin knew he could hardly tell Arthur why he had stopped. That was what hurt more than anything. He had been the one to come up with a solution to save Arthur from Vivian. He had saved his friend from love and in return, couldn't even tell the prince what had been on his mind the last month. He knew Arthur wasn't that oblivious though; he knew something was wrong. It was why he had been so insistent that Merlin came with him on the hunt.

Merlin was grateful that Arthur was attempting to show he cared. He just wished the prince had other hobbies than stalking things through the woods all morning. Merlin deliberately hadn't been quiet; he had no intention of watching Arthur hunt just for pleasure.

Arthur ignored his broken explanation. He reached up, fisting his hand in Merlin's shirt and yanking the servant down to ground level.

"Look. What do you see?"

"Mud," Merlin muttered and Arthur cuffed him over the head. "Ow!"

"Look again."

"Prints," Merlin said reluctantly. Arthur had taken it as a personal insult just how bad Merlin was at tracking. The warlock didn't think telling the prince all he had to do was mutter a spell and he knew what lay ahead would go down too well, so he put up with Arthur's efforts to teach him and then resorted to magic when Arthur wasn't looking.

"Good. What kind of prints?"

"Hare?" Merlin guessed, staring at the small marks in the mud.

"Don't exaggerate, Merlin. Rabbit at best. Their warren must be around here somewhere. Get a stick, we'll flush them out."

Excitement was shining in Arthur's eyes and there was a flush to his cheeks. Merlin might have been worried if he hadn't seen this hundreds of times before. The hunt was on and Arthur was not one to back down. Merlin, however, had no intention of joining in and he backed away, taking his time to find a stick and not returning until he heard Arthur's angry shout. When he reached his master, Arthur had a rabbit in either hand and a scowl on his face.

"Where the hell did you go?"

"To find a stick," Merlin retorted, holding up the thin twig he had picked up. Arthur stared at it, then rolled his eyes and walked away.

"I give up," he muttered and Merlin grinned, following him. He knew that meant Arthur had had enough of hunting for one day.

But the prince didn't start walking back to Camelot. Instead, he stopped in the first safe clearing they reached and Merlin didn't need to ask. He quickly gathered sticks for a fire and took the rabbits from Arthur. He had heard the prince's stomach grumbling and knew Arthur would rather eat out here than returning to the castle. Arthur had never told his father what had happened with Vivian and Merlin knew the king was still not happy about his son's behaviour.

While Merlin prepared the food, Arthur removed his boots and stretched his feet towards the fire. Merlin waited until both rabbits were over the fire before making himself comfortable. Autumn was drawing in and while it meant there was a slight chill to the air, the ground was cushioned with fallen leaves.

"I've never met anyone quite as oblivious as you, you know, Merlin."

Merlin had been in the process of taking a swig of water when Arthur spoke. He choked, just replacing the stopper in time to stop himself from spilling the rest. He stared at Arthur, fighting a grin.

"What?"

"How can you not notice that you were practically standing on the rabbit warren?"

"Maybe I did know," Merlin said. "Maybe I just didn't see the point of flushing them out so you could have some fun."

"If anyone else spoke to me like that…"

"But I'm not anyone else and we both know that nothing will change." Merlin saw Arthur's lips twitch in a quick smile and knew that while the prince might complain (constantly), he wouldn't change anything. Neither of them would.

"Merlin?"

"What?"

"The food is burning."

With a yelp, Merlin yanked the rabbit off the fire and flung it on Arthur's direction while he nursed his burnt hand. The prince laughed easily, snatching it from the air and drawing his knife. Despite himself, Merlin grinned.

Out here, just the two of them, things were so much easier. Arthur let his guard down in a way he never dared too in Camelot and Merlin didn't feel the weight of his destiny crushing him so much with a breeze playing through his hair. When they were in the forest, he could _breathe._

Glancing at Arthur, he knew the prince felt the same. He was concentrating on splitting the meat between the two of them, but he was relaxed and a grin never far from his face. He handed Merlin his portion and the warlock made himself comfortable again as they ate.

The conversation flowed easily between them and Merlin knew what really made the difference when they were out here. In the woods, with no one around, they weren't master and servant. They weren't even prince and warlock. They were just two young men enjoying freedom.

"Have you made it up to Gwen yet?" Merlin asked teasingly once he had finished eating. Arthur blushed and avoided his gaze.

"I tried," he said softly. "I hope she has forgiven me."

"Of course she has. She kissed you, didn't she?"

"Shut up, Merlin."

"Your true love… Who would have guessed it? I don't know what she sees in you."

"What do you know about love, _Mer_ lin?"

Although Arthur's tone was teasing, Merlin felt his smile slip as an image of Freya flashed through his mind.

"Nothing," he said. "Nothing at all."

"What's wrong? You've been acting weird for a month."

Despite knowing his behaviour was why they were out here, Merlin hadn't expected Arthur to come out and say it so bluntly.

"Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar, you know that, right?"

"Whatever you say, Sire," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. Arthur stretched out until his foot nudged Merlin's leg.

"Seriously. You're terrible. I know you're not alright."

"I…"

"Don't deny it. I didn't say I wanted to know. God knows, I've got enough to worry about than your problems."

"So you're worried about me?"

"Don't be so absurd, Merlin."

Merlin grinned, shaking his head fondly as he lay back and folded his arm under his head. He knew how to read Arthur and understood perfectly well that his friend was concerned. It made Merlin feel better, although he would never admit that to Arthur.

"You'll be alright," Arthur murmured sleepily and Merlin felt himself relax. It wasn't a question; it was a statement. After everything they had been through together over the last year, Merlin knew Arthur was right. He had faced worse than a broken heart and survived it.

He could survive this as well, even if it meant more hunting trips.

MMM

Considering the hunting trip helped to lighten his mood, the last thing Merlin expected when he walked into Arthur's chambers the next morning was to find the prince ready to ride out again.

"You're dressed."

"How observant, Merlin. I am the future King of Camelot."

"No desire to woo anyone? Send flowers? Make declarations of love?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The last time I didn't have to drag your royal backside out of bed, you were busy falling in love." Once again, Merlin witnessed the blush on Arthur's face. But he couldn't detect magic of any sort and Arthur looked and sounded like his normal self.

"There have been raiding parties and confrontations along the eastern border. I'm riding out."

"I'm coming too."

"What are you going to do?"

"Someone has to hold the horses," Merlin said, dumping Arthur's breakfast on the table and heading out again. Arthur might expect him to come along, but he never thought about making sure there were enough provisions or even horses saddled. Merlin knew that, unless he hurried, he would be left behind and then something drastic would happen to Arthur while the warlock was still trying to catch up.

He sweet-talked one of the kitchen girls into bringing food to the stables while he hurried to prepare both his and Arthur's horses. It was a sign of how used to his job he now was as before Arthur strode into the courtyard to address his men, Merlin had everything ready to go. Leon smiled at him and even Arthur had nothing to say when he took his mount's reins and mounted up. Merlin followed suit, not enthusiastic for another day out in the forest. Arthur didn't relax in the same way when he was leading his men.

They rode out in silence, but Merlin looked back as he left the courtyard. Gwen was watching from a window and Merlin raised his hand in farewell. She returned the wave and Merlin rode out with a grin. It didn't surprise him that Gwen was anxious. Merlin knew how she felt about the prince just as he knew how deep Arthur's feelings ran for her.

He nudged his horse into a trot, catching up to ride by Arthur's side. The knights had long since given up trying to remind him that his place was near the back. They knew their prince didn't take those sorts of comments well when it came to Merlin.

"So where are we going?"

"East."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I got that bit. East covers a lot of territory."

Arthur shot him a scathing look and didn't say anything. Merlin realised the prince didn't actually know. They were riding in the general direction of trouble, hoping they would find it before it found them. Merlin swallowed and instinctively reached for his magic, comforting himself with the touch of his power. Trouble wouldn't stand a chance against them, not if Merlin had his way.

They rode through the morning and stopped for a terse lunch. The men joked among themselves, but Arthur remained silent, staring out into the trees.

"You need to eat something," Merlin said quietly, approaching him with a platter.

"I don't have an appetite."

Merlin wasn't surprised. He knew how Arthur got when he potentially had to lead his men into danger.

"You won't be any good to them if you faint like a girl."

Arthur snatched the plate from him without another word and Merlin backed away to give him his peace. While he knew what it felt having a burden on his shoulders, at least it was only Arthur he had to think about most of the time. The prince had to constantly worry about his men and the decisions he was making.

But nothing attacked them that lunch time and they set off at a gallop to cover more ground. It was obvious from the equipment no one planned to stay out all night and Merlin knew it wouldn't be long before they were turning back.

Before they reached that point though, Arthur suddenly held up his hand, fist clenched. Everyone stopped, even Merlin knowing what that signal meant. The knights all dismounted, drawing weapons as they did so. It was only then that Merlin heard coarse laughter, shouts and the sound of a fight up ahead.

"See to the horses," Arthur hissed at him before disappearing into the undergrowth with his knights on his heels. Merlin waited just long enough for the final one to be concealed by the bushes before his eyes flashed and all of the reins were tethered to nearby branches. Convinced their mounts wouldn't be able to flee, Merlin tripped through the roots and brambles after the prince.

The bushes had muffled the sounds effectively as when Merlin fought free the other side, it was to find himself in the middle of a battle. The knights were effective, working efficiently as a team as they dispatched bandits methodically. Arthur shouted instructions even as he held off two men and Merlin quickly busied himself with tripping the third man coming up behind the prince. Arthur saw the man fall and looked around, Merlin entering his line of vision.

"What are you doing here?"

"Thought you might need a hand," Merlin said, grabbing a thick branch. A man approached him, sword in hand, and Merlin backed up, trying to get the right angle so he could use magic without Arthur seeing. He hadn't taken more than two paces before the man stopped and suddenly fell. Arthur's dagger was sticking out of his back.

"Get over here," Arthur instructed and Merlin hurried across, dodging battling men. As he drew closer, he stopped and blinked. Arthur wasn't skirting the battle because he wanted to. There was a girl crouched in the roots of a large tree, a terrified expression on her face.

"Guard her," Arthur said before running into the thick of it with a battle cry.

"But…" Merlin looked at the girl and tried to offer her a reassuring grin. "You'll be alright."

"Behind you!"

He turned at her warning, bringing his branch up just in time to block another bandit's sword. He shoved the man away, brought the stick around and clumped his attacker over the head. The man dropped without a sound and Merlin grinned, beaming at his branch before turning his attention back to the fight. He wanted to be by Arthur's side, wanted to make sure the prince had the type of protection that only Merlin could offer. But he could hardly leave a defenceless girl on the edge of the battle. Arthur would kill him himself if Merlin disobeyed that order.

The battle felt like it raged for hours but Merlin knew it must have been only a matter of moments. Arthur's men got the bandits rounded up, but as they attempted to secure them, five men broke free and ran in opposite directions. While Arthur and the knights sprung after four of them, the fifth headed straight for Merlin and the girl. Merlin swung but missed and suddenly found himself grappling with the man.

Backed against the tree and convinced no one could see him, Merlin let the magic roll off him and the man yelled as if he had been struck. To keep up appearances, Merlin lifted his knee and drove it into the man's stomach just as Arthur arrived. The prince looked stunned even as he pulled the man away from his servant.

"Wonders never cease," he muttered as he wrestled the man back to the others. This time, all were secured without any problems and Merlin let go of his branch. His fingers had gone stiff around it and he shook out his hand as he turned towards the girl.

"Here," he said, offering her his hand. She took it timidly and Merlin helped her up. She looked towards the men.

"Thank you," she said.

"It's them you should be thanking, I didn't do much."

"But you did," she said. "I saw you."

Merlin stared at her, not knowing what to say. He didn't want to confirm or deny anything she was saying in case he was misunderstanding. But there was a look on her face, one that said she had seen _exactly_ what he had done. She moved towards the knights before he had the chance to react.

But when she reached the company of the men, she turned back to him and smiled. It was a genuine smile, one of gratitude and relief and Merlin found himself grinning back. She had seen him use magic, he could tell by the look in her eyes. And rather than hating or fearing him, she was thanking him.

Merlin moved over himself and even Arthur's normal quips couldn't stop a light feeling from filling him up. It was the first time since Freya's death that he felt something other than grief. For the first time in a month, he felt hope once again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much for the lovely support for the first chapter! I really hope you continue to enjoy this!_

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Merlin stood to one side as Arthur gave his orders, instructing his men to take the prisoners back to Camelot. He couldn't keep his gaze from the girl, mixed emotions churning in him. He felt proud that he been able to defend her but terrified she would say something about his magic. There was no denying she had seen it but Merlin clung to a thread of hope. She hadn't appeared scared or angry. And she had thanked him.

But still, he knew what Gaius was going to say when his mentor discovered someone else knew about his secret. Merlin wasn't sure the physician had properly forgiven him yet for lying about Freya, although finding the cure for Arthur's latest run in with magic had helped. He hadn't told Gaius that had been down to Gwen rather than him…

Arthur's water-skin hit him in the face.

"All in your own time, Merlin." The prince rolled his eyes as he untethered his horse and Merlin knew he had let himself be lost in his thoughts again. It had been happening more and more since Freya's death.

Merlin untied his own horse and looked towards the girl. "You can ride with me if you like," he said shyly. She smiled at him and Merlin could feel himself turning red. He made the effort to not look at Arthur, but he was sure he _heard_ the prince's eyes roll again.

"Thank you."

"Merlin. My name is Merlin."

"I know."

"How did you-?"

"I said it, you idiot. I'm not slowing the pace because your horse is carrying two, _Mer_ lin, so hurry up!"

Merlin winced, squeezing both eyes shut at Arthur's loud voice. When he opened them again, the girl laughed and stepped closer.

"Clarissa," she said and Merlin grinned. He helped her mount the horse, then scrambled on himself and turned the creature's head for home. He caught Arthur's eye as he did so and although the prince didn't say anything, he lifted both eyebrows in amusement and Merlin touched his heels to his horse.

He knew that Arthur was never going to let him forget this.

Despite Arthur's threats, the pace was slower on the way home. There were the prisoners to escort and Merlin's horse was not the only one carrying two due to injuries. Arthur would never push his men if it could risk wounds or even lives and night had already fallen by the time the grass turned into cobblestones and the welcoming lanterns of Camelot led them to the stables.

Stable-boys were immediately on hand to help take the horses, but Merlin didn't wait for one. They would see to Arthur first, then the knights. They never got as far as him. Dismounting, he helped Clarissa down, then was forced to tighten his grip as she stumbled in her exhaustion.

"Do you have anywhere to stay?" He asked gently, curious as to why she had been in the forest on her own. Clarissa shook her head.

"My village is in the other direction. I was travelling here to see if I could find work. I was going to find a tavern."

"No." Merlin spoke firmly, keeping hold of her arm as he led her towards the castle. "You should be checked by the physician to make sure you aren't hurt."

"I'm fine, Merlin."

"I insist."

"Well…" Her voice trailed off teasingly and Merlin grinned, helping her up the steps. Arthur was always protective over those he rescued and this was the first time Merlin could understand why. Her life had been in his hands out there and he felt it was only right to make sure she was fit and well before letting her stay in a tavern surrounded by strangers.

He didn't hear Arthur calling him or see the exasperated look on the prince's face as Merlin walked away without a backwards glance. Clarissa glanced over her shoulder.

"I think your master…"

"He always wants something," Merlin complained, "so he can wait an hour or two while I make sure you are safe."

"Am I not safe in the castle?"

"I don't know," Merlin pretended to deliberate, grinning, "the tapestries can be lethal."

Clarissa laughed again and Merlin's grin widened. Morgana wasn't as loyal as she used to be, Gwen was preoccupied with falling in love with Arthur and he had lost Freya after only a few days with her. It was nice to know not all women were doomed around him.

He led the way back to Gaius', aiding Clarissa up the stairs.

"Gaius?" He called, startling the old man. "This is Clarissa. She was attacked by bandits in the forest. Can you-?"

"Of course." Gaius stood and made his way over. He shot Merlin a look. "Let me guess, Arthur did most of the rescuing?"

"Um…"

"No," Clarissa said, her voice strong. "Merlin saved me."

"Did you now?" Merlin knew the look on his mentor's face and shrugged. Gaius knew he had used magic, but Merlin neither confirmed or denied it. Now the shock of the attack had worn off, he wasn't certain whether Clarissa's reaction would be different back in Camelot compared to out in the forest.

"What can I say? I've been around Arthur too long, clearly."

"Talking of which, go and attend to the prince, Merlin."

"I wanted to make sure…"

"I'm sure the lady would appreciate some privacy."

"Oh!" Merlin felt himself blushing again and avoided looking at Gaius. "Yeah, I'll just…" He gestured vaguely at the door and almost stumbled into the wall as he tried to walk out without looking where he was going. He hoped Clarissa didn't see.

He did trip down the steps and jar his leg when he landed with a thud, but he was certain no one saw _that_. Limping slightly, he headed towards Arthur's chambers, begging the first maid he saw to collect Arthur's dinner for him. He might have exaggerated the limp slightly but Rebecca ran off with a smile. Merlin knew making friends with the maids had been a good idea.

He pushed open Arthur's door without knocking. The prince was half-way through removing his armour and he turned to glare at his servant.

"Nice of you to join me," he said scathingly. Merlin rolled his eyes, ignoring his master as he set up about clearing the dishes from earlier, making sure there was space when the food arrived. Arthur was hungry; he was never going to be pleasant when he was hungry.

"I was making sure she was safe," Merlin retorted. Arthur scoffed.

"Of course. The big hero today, aren't you, _Mer_ lin?"

"Jealous that you didn't get the girl for once?"

"There is nothing to be jealous of."

Resisting the urge to turn Arthur into something squashable, Merlin bit his tongue and helped unbuckled the last pieces of the armour. The food had arrived before he had finished and Arthur's comments for him to hurry up weren't helping matters. Merlin tried rushing but only succeeded in scraping his finger along the armour and drawing blood.

By the time Arthur was sitting down to eat, Merlin was fuming. He didn't understand why the prince was being like this. The patrol had been a success and they had saved an innocent life.

When he was done for the evening and walking back to Gaius', Merlin got it. Arthur was used to being the hero. He wasn't jealous – all he would care about was that Clarissa was safe. But he didn't know how to react. If one of his knights had saved her, Arthur would reward him with a night in the tavern. But with Merlin, the prince was at a loss at what to do.

Merlin's bad mood vanished by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs. Instead, he imagined how Gwen would react when he told her that the man she loved behaved like a petulant child when something happened out of the norm. As he reached the top of the stairs, he was grinning.

"What's the matter with you?"

Merlin shook his head fondly at Gaius' bewildered tone. "Arthur's a child," he told his mentor. He sat down, pulling a bowl of stew towards himself hungrily before glancing around.

"Where's Clarissa?"

"Sleeping," Gaius said. "She had quite a scare."

Merlin nodded and ate quickly, ignoring the usual warnings about hiccups. As he stood up though, Gaius lifted an eyebrow.

"She's sleeping in your room."

"So where am I supposed to sleep?"

"You should have thought about that before you started bringing girls back." Gaius said tartly, collecting up the bowls and moving them out of the way. Merlin sighed, looking around before grabbing one of the spare blankets. He had slept on the floor for his entire life before arriving in Camelot, he could manage it again.

"Don't come complaining to me when your back hurts tomorrow," Gaius warned. He was packing his medicine bags for his final rounds as Merlin spread out the blankets. "And don't disturb her either. If you even open that door, I'll know."

Merlin held up his hands innocently as Gaius left. If he was honest, he was too tired to even check on Clarissa. Gaius had deemed her fit and well and the only thing Merlin was concerned about was getting some rest in order to deal with Arthur the following day.

MMM

"Why are you moving like an old man?"

"I am not!" Merlin winced as he spoke, not surprised that Arthur could see straight through him. He had been moving cautiously all morning, his back protesting sudden movements. He had honestly thought changing the prince's sheets would kill him. "You've dragged me out into the forest the last two days, it's your fault."

"It's not my fault that you can't handle a little physical exertion, Merlin."

Merlin glanced over at Arthur. The man was stretching, preparing for a morning's training.

"Do you ever stop?"

"Do you ever start?" Arthur teased and Merlin shook his head. "Bring those weapons down to the training grounds. They need cleaning."

Merlin nodded. The two moved easily around each other, being used to the other's presence and what their routine entailed. Without anything being said, Merlin got Arthur into his training gear and gathered up the handful of weapons. As he tried juggling them all, Arthur reached over and plucked a few throwing knives from his arms and strode for the door. Merlin followed him with a soft smile. Not that long ago, Arthur would have watched him struggle. Now, the prince seemed more concerned with Merlin chopping a limb off than denting his knives.

The sun was bright and the air fresh as they walked down to the training grounds. They were the first ones there, but Merlin made himself comfortable and started sharpening Arthur's knives while they waited. It didn't take long before Leon turned up and Merlin could work in peace, knowing that Arthur was distracted and wouldn't randomly start throwing things at his head just because he was bored.

Arthur didn't trouble him for the entire morning, his attention completely taken up by his new recruits. Merlin had picked up enough over the last few years to know that Arthur would be spending the rest of the day moaning about them. He wondered if he could persuade Gwen to get Morgana to stop by. The king's ward wasn't as trustworthy as she once was, but Merlin knew she would stop Arthur from spending the day complaining.

"Am I disturbing you?"

Merlin jumped, the knife slipping from his hand. He instinctively made to catch it and at the last second realised what a bad idea that would be. He withdrew his hand and let the blade sink into the mud.

"I'm sorry," Clarissa said, sitting down next to him. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"You didn't," Merlin said, pulling the knife from the ground. "Well, you did, but that was only because I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about Morgana."

"Oh. I see."

Merlin winced, realising too late what he had said. "Not like that. We're just friends. I mean, as much as a servant can be friends with the King's Ward. I probably can't, actually, Uther might chop my head off if he got the wrong idea. We're just friends and I'm going to shut up now."

"Don't." Clarissa touched his arm fleetingly, then seemed to catch herself and drew her hand away. "It's been a long time since someone made me laugh."

"Yeah," Merlin sighed, glancing across the field. "I know the feeling."

Silence fell between them, a heavy awkwardness that made Merlin fidget. He cleared his throat.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," Clarissa said. "It seems strange that I actually made it here. I honestly thought I was going to die out there in the forest."

"I wouldn't let that happen." Merlin spoke without thinking, then realised he meant it. After losing Freya, he wanted to protect as many people as he could, regardless of the threat. He knew Gaius would disapprove and think it was a certain way of getting himself killed or caught.

"I believe you," she said. "After, well, you know."

"About that…" Merlin ran a hand distractedly through his hair. "I didn't really get the chance to ask you how you felt."

"All I know," Clarissa said carefully, "is that not every village abide by Uther's rules as well as he would like to believe."

Merlin gaped at her, a smile splitting over his face. She blushed and looked at her hands, folded neatly in her lap. He had always suspected as much, but to hear it said that not everyone hated magic was a calming balm to his troubled soul.

"Merlin!" Arthur's shout was loud and irritated and Merlin knew it was not the first time he had been called.

"I'm busy!" He yelled back, gesturing with the knife. Arthur glared at him and stalked over. Clarissa jumped to her feet and dropped a deep curtsey.

"Forgive me, Sire, I was distracting him," she murmured demurely. Arthur stopped, glancing at Merlin before looking back at Clarissa.

"I trust you are well after your… experience," the prince said. Clarissa curtsied again.

"I am, My Lord, thanks to you and your men. And Merlin, of course."

"That was luck more than skill."

"Oh no, Sire, he saved my life."

It was the second time in as many days where Clarissa had managed to render Arthur speechless. Merlin assumed he didn't want to insult Clarissa when he didn't know her but that it went against his nature to let Merlin be praised and not have a scathing comment in response.

Clarissa backed up a few paces. "I'm sorry for distracting you, Merlin."

"Where are you going?" Merlin half-rose but knew by Arthur's warning look he wouldn't be allowed to follow her.

"Gaius agreed to let me help him. I'll see you later." She turned and hurried back towards the castle.

"So if she is helping Gaius," Arthur began and Merlin just knew where he was going. "She must be staying with him."

"She must," Merlin said vaguely, sitting back down.

"Where are you sleeping?"

"The stables if Gaius gets his way," Merlin muttered and Arthur snorted in amusement before sitting down next to his servant. He picked up both a rag and a knife and Merlin was reminded that Arthur wasn't always a prat.

"In that case, there is something I feel it is my duty as your master to say."

"Oh no." Merlin did not like Arthur's tone of voice.

"Especially," Arthur continued, "after I caught you spying on Lady Catrina."

"Are you forgetting the part where she was a troll?"

"At the time, she wasn't, she was an attractive lady and you were using my room to spy on her." Arthur said sternly. Despite knowing he hadn't done anything wrong, Merlin could feel himself start to blush.

"I must warn you, Merlin, that if you try anything untoward with your new friend, it will reflect badly on me."

"And we can't have that," Merlin muttered, knowing he was bright red. He cleared his throat and forced himself to look Arthur in the eye. "Can we just pretend this conversation never happened? You know me."

Arthur looked like he was going to protest, but then he reached over and gave Merlin a light shove. "You're right. I do know you, you can't hide anything from me. Go on, I know you like her. Admit it."

"We rescued her yesterday, Arthur. I don't even know her."

"Excuses, excuses, Merlin."

"Don't you have training to do?"

"Nope." Arthur was far too cheerful and Merlin knew that he was taking far too much enjoyment in making his servant squirm. Even if Merlin detested Clarissa (which he didn't), he knew Arthur would have a way of turning it back on him.

"Bullying the servants again, Arthur?" Morgana's voice was a welcome relief and her smile was kind when she looked at Merlin. Gwen also smiled and Merlin tried to calm his flaming cheeks.

"Just reminding them of their place," Arthur stood up, tossing his knife down. "What are you doing out here?"

"Worried I'd come to show you up?" Despite Morgana's teasing, Merlin could see that Arthur's gaze had slid past her onto Gwen, who was attempting not to notice as she sat down next to Merlin and folded the rag that Arthur had dropped. Merlin grinned to himself.

Arthur might be trying to tease and torment him to the best of his ability. But Merlin wasn't the one who had experienced true love's kiss in order to break a spell.

Arthur could tease all he wanted, Merlin knew he had enough blackmail to get back at his master. He certainly wasn't going to stand by and let Arthur have all the fun.

It wasn't as if there was anything for the prince to tease him about, anyway. Merlin couldn't resist glancing towards the castle. Throughout their conversation, one thing had struck him as being true. He didn't know Clarissa.

But he couldn't deny he would like to get to know her.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks again for the lovely support!_

* * *

"Ow," Merlin hissed, placing his hands on his lower back as he straightened up. He had spent his life sleeping on the floor, he assumed he would get used to it quickly again. But Gaius' rough floor coupled with his chores for Arthur left him constantly wincing.

Clarissa had continued to stay with them for the last week. Gaius' chambers were certainly noticing her presence. Fresh flowers adorned several work surfaces and Merlin didn't think he had eaten so well in all of his time in Camelot. Gaius was in a constant good mood, often stating how nice it was to have someone to help who knew what they were doing and actually did the tasks he set them. Merlin didn't rise to it – between his destiny and Arthur, it wasn't his fault he didn't have time for Gaius as much as the old man would like.

But Gaius wasn't the only one enjoying having her around. Conversation over dinner was full of laughter and Merlin found he was able to confide in her about anything he wanted, even magic as long as his door was shut. She had remained in his room and Merlin had been forced to reveal a few of his hiding places when a pixie emergency had him reaching for his spell book.

For the first time since Freya, his heart felt lighter. But it was more than that. For the first time since being in Camelot, Merlin had someone his own age that he could be free with, no hiding himself, no hiding from the guards. He didn't even need to hide it from Arthur. The prince swiftly learnt that any comment came with a quick remark about Gwen from Merlin.

Merlin felt happy.

Apart from his back, that was.

"Why are you whining like an old man again?" Arthur retorted from the other side of the room. Merlin glanced over his shoulder and realised that his master was watching him rather than focusing on his work. Merlin shrugged.

"Nothing." He didn't expect Arthur to push the matter, not believing the prince actually cared if Merlin ached. He had certainly shown no sign of it when Merlin had barely been able to move the one time he had to muck out the entire stable block on his own. It was only Gaius' scolding that prevented Arthur from ever ordering him to do it again.

"It's something, tell me."

Merlin knew that tone. Arthur was bored with his work and Merlin was a convenient distraction. He wouldn't back down.

"I'm just stiff."

"Are you still sleeping on the floor?"

Merlin nodded and Arthur sighed dramatically. "You'll have to move into the chambers next door."

"I can't!" Merlin yelped. "Your father would have me executed."

"That's true," Arthur acknowledged. He thought for a moment. "She'll have to then."

"Clarissa?"

"How many girls do you have hidden away in Gaius' chambers?"

Merlin ignored the tell-tale heat in his cheeks. He hated the way that even just thinking about Clarissa made him blush. Arthur was getting far too much enjoyment out of it.

"But… she's not of noble birth. She can't stay in a guest room like that."

"I hope you are that flattering when you're speaking to her," Arthur drawled. He stood up, advancing on his servant. "Besides, no one has to know she isn't of noble birth. If my father notices – which he won't – we'll just say she is Morgana's guest."

"And Morgana will go along with this?"

Arthur shrugged. "Does it matter? It won't come to that."

"Why?" Merlin didn't mean to sound so suspicious. But Arthur knew his friendship with Clarissa and it was unlike the prince to help Merlin in such a way.

"You can hardly do your chores when you're whining like a girl."

"I thought it was like an old man?"

"Shut up, Merlin, and go and make up the room. Tell her to move in tonight."

"Yes, Sire."

Merlin dumped the laundry he had been sorting and left the room swiftly before Arthur could change his mind. The guest rooms were always kept well aired and ready for use, so there was nothing for Merlin to do other than head straight back to Gaius' chamber.

Clarissa was stirring a potion over a flame while Gaius mixed ingredients at another work bench. Merlin took her hand and led her towards his room. She snatched herself away, lifted the potion from the flame and then followed him up. Merlin grinned ruefully and pretended not to notice she had a new dress. He had introduced her to Gwen and after hearing what had happened in the forest, the maid had instantly offered to make something.

He sat her down on the edge of the bed.

"Arthur wants you to move into the chambers next to his."

"Excuse me?"

Merlin realised how wrong that had come out and ran a hand through his hair. "I just mean…" He cleared his throat and sat down next to her.

"It's more comfortable in that part of the castle and you will have your own space."

"You want me to leave?"

"No!" Merlin squeezed his eyes shut at his word coming out as a shout. "I just want you to be comfortable. You should have better lodgings than this and Arthur can protect you if anything happens."

"Better than you can with your magic?"

Merlin realised that was a good point. "I don't want you gone. I just want you comfortable," he muttered. He had heard Arthur complain about Morgana, but never before realised how awkward talking to girls could be. Freya had been different.

Clarissa put her hand over his. "I would be honoured too, Merlin. I haven't forgotten that I have taken your bed. It would be my pleasure to move if that is what you want, so you can get your life back."

"You'll still be able to help Gaius," Merlin said. Clarissa smiled.

"And I will be closer to you during the day."

Merlin hadn't thought of it like that and he grinned. Suddenly, Arthur's idea seemed like the best he had ever had. Merlin stood up.

"I'll leave you to collect your things," he said quietly. Clarissa caught his hand.

"I have no things, other than what I am wearing."

"Um…" Merlin had no idea what to say, instead staring at their linked fingers. Clarissa followed his gaze and when Merlin looked up, she was smiling softly.

"I like you, Merlin."

"I like you too."

"And not just because you saved my life. You're kind, selfless and constantly risk your lives for others."

"Don't let Arthur hear you talking like that, he'll have you executed for madness," Merlin said with a nervous laugh. His heart was thudding hard as Clarissa stepped closer to him. He knew he liked her, but it wasn't the same as what he had felt with Freya. There had been a bond there; Merlin had saved her life. Then again, he knew the same was true now, even if there had been others on hand to help. He swallowed hard.

"I don't care what the prince said," Clarissa said, moving closer. "You're the one who saved me. Thank you."

Before Merlin knew what she was doing, Clarissa had stood on tiptoes and kissed him. Merlin froze and she pulled away, blushing deeply.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean, I just thought…"

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Merlin said. He took the initiative and kissed her cheek to let her know she had been reading him correctly. "But we should probably move before Arthur comes to find me or Gaius wants to know what we are doing."

Clarissa laughed and slid her hand free of his. Merlin backed towards the door, letting her gather the dress she had been in when they had found her and the small mirror and hairbrush that Gwen had given her along with her new dress.

"Merlin?"

There was a note of alarm in Clarissa's voice and Merlin instantly was on guard. "Yes?"

"Watch out." Clarissa nodded pointedly to the door and Merlin glanced over his shoulder. He was a step away from falling down the stairs. He laughed, running a hand through his hair before turning around and leaving properly.

"You look happy," Gaius commented.

"Is that a crime?"

"When it comes to you, my boy, I'm never quite sure what to expect."

"This time, Gaius," Merlin said, "I swear that I am not doing anything I shouldn't be."

He watched as Clarissa walked down the stairs shyly with her belongings in her arms. Gaius' eyebrows raised and Merlin grinned at him.

"For once Arthur seems to be on my side," he said before motioning to the door and gesturing for Clarissa to follow him. She did so and Merlin led her through the castle. He knew this route so well he could do it with his eyes shut and he had to stop his feet from automatically taking him into Arthur's room. He pushed open the door to the room next to the prince's and gave a sweeping bow.

"Your new chambers, My Lady."

MMM

Merlin waited until he knew Morgana was dining with both the king and Arthur before going to find Gwen. He had tried to seek out Clarissa, but Gaius had sternly told him that she was delivering some medicines for him and that Merlin shouldn't be too forward. Merlin had tried to pay attention and look contrite, but Gaius shooed him out of his chambers in exasperation and Merlin knew he hadn't managed it.

So instead, he climbed the stairs to Morgana's chambers, knowing she wasn't there, and burst through the door.

"She kissed me," he announced to the room. There was a pause while Merlin wondered if he was talking to himself, then Gwen appeared from behind the screen, a few dresses draped elegantly over her arm.

"Who did?"

"Who do you think? Clarissa. She kissed me."

"Oh."

Gwen carefully laid the dresses down and rounded the bed so she could see her friend better. Merlin grinned at her and Gwen took his hand.

"I'm glad you're happy," she said. "But…"

"What?"

"Just be careful, Merlin. You've only known her for a few weeks."

"Rather than knowing someone most of my life and still pining after him?"

Gwen blushed and Merlin felt guilty. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know nothing can come of it."

"Nonsense!" Merlin exclaimed, reaching out to her this time. "If I can rescue someone in the woods who then happens to like me enough to kiss me, you will have your time with Arthur."

"Who wouldn't want to kiss you?" Gwen asked. "You're sweet. I mean, not that I would want to kiss you, of course I don't, but others, like Clarissa, they'll want to kiss you and…"

"Gwen," Merlin said with a laugh, placing his hands on her shoulders. "It's alright. I understand."

Gwen ducked her head as she regained control of herself. Merlin let go and backed off.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted, reaching the real reason why he had sought out Gwen. She had kissed him spontaneously after his brush with death. Everything with Freya had been so charged that Merlin didn't think there was a comparison. But this? He had no idea what he was supposed to do.

"Show her that you like her too," Gwen said. "But don't be too obvious otherwise people will start getting the wrong idea. You have to be subtle."

Merlin grimaced. He wasn't sure he did subtle.

"You just need something to express your feelings," Gwen continued.

"Flowers?" Merlin asked, desperately trying to forget the last time he had had this conversation with the enchanted Arthur. Gwen certainly didn't need to know.

"Perfect! Maybe a rose. A single one, red if you can find it…" Her voice trailed off as a dreamy expression crossed her face. Merlin smirked; Arthur didn't always need help finding the right gift, it appeared.

"I should go," Merlin said, drawing Gwen from her musings. "Arthur's expecting me to be there when he gets back."

He took a few steps towards the door before turning back to look at Gwen. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "You're a true friend."

Gwen smiled at him and Merlin bounded down the stairs in high spirits. He had only taken a few steps towards Arthur's chambers before his name being called made him look back.

Clarissa glanced between him and the path to Morgana's door. Her hand tightened on the basket she was carrying.

"You were visiting the Lady Morgana?"

"What? Oh no. She's not there. I went to see Gwen."

"You went to see her maid, knowing the mistress was away?"

"It's not what you think," Merlin said. First Arthur and now Clarissa. He was going to have to start taking note of who was around when he left Morgana's chambers, regardless of who he had gone to see. He didn't think telling Uther "it's not what you think" would go down too well.

"She's a friend. I wanted her advice on something."

"And did she help?"

Merlin glanced around, checking there was no one near. When he was convinced that no one can see or hear them, he cupped his hands.

" _Blostma,_ " he whispered, keeping his gaze down as his eyes flashed gold. He opened his hands and presented Clarissa with a perfectly formed red rose.

"You tell me," he said. She took it and held it to her nose.

"It's beautiful. Thank you. Walk me back?"

Merlin couldn't say no and escorted her back to her chambers. He had no excuse not to considering he was headed that way himself. He paused in her doorway and Clarissa lent forward, lightly kissing his cheek.

"Thank you, Merlin." She said before disappearing into her room. Merlin stared at the closed door for a moment before realising how entertaining Arthur would find that if he arrived back and caught his servant acting love-sick. Merlin ducked into Arthur's chambers and began clearing the table from earlier that day.

But thoughts started bouncing around his head and before Merlin knew it, he had sat down on the edge of a chair. Was he in love? He thought he had loved Freya but it had all been so fast and emotions had been intense due to the circumstances. Losing her had hurt, but Merlin didn't know if it was because he had loved her or failed to protect her.

And if he had loved her, he had no right feeling fond of Clarissa so soon. It had only been a few weeks since Arthur had taken him on a hunt to try and cheer him up. He couldn't forget Freya that quickly; he refused to. With a groan, Merlin lent forward and let his head thump against the table.

He had no idea how he felt and no idea what he was supposed to do.

"Working hard, I see, Merlin?"

Merlin feebly waved the cloth in his hand in the direction of the door. Arthur's snort showed he had seen his servant's attempts at a response. Merlin stayed where he was, listening as Arthur pulled off his jacket and his boots. When a chair scrapped against the stone floor, Merlin flinched, half expecting his own chair to suddenly vanish from under him.

When he remained seating, he looked up. Arthur was sitting across from him, one eyebrow raised. He took one look at Merlin's face, poured two goblets of wine and pushed one across the table.

"What?" He said bluntly. Merlin sat up and took the offered cup. He took a sip of wine and tried to disguise his expression; he had never tasted something so rich and flavoursome before. Instead, he slumped back in the chair.

"Girls," he said miserably. Arthur made a sound of agreement and when Merlin looked at him, the prince was staring into the depths of his cup as if it held all the answers. Merlin was hit by a surge of boldness.

"How did you know?" He asked and Arthur glanced at him.

"Know what?"

"How did you know that what you were feeling for Gwen was more than just affection and fondness?" Merlin spoke carefully, knowing how guarded Arthur could quickly become when feelings and emotions were being spoken about. Arthur swirled his cup.

"It was easy," he said. "Every corner I turned, I hoped she would be there. Every beautiful thing I saw, I compared to her. Every flower made me wonder if they would please her."

Merlin stared at him. For someone so closed off, he had never considered Arthur could be a romantic at heart. Arthur must have sensed his gaze and he looked up, instantly scowling.

"Repeat that to anyone and I'll have you flogged."

"Of course." Merlin wasn't worried. He would never betray Arthur's confidence. He also knew that Arthur would never deliberately harm him, regardless of how much he threatened it.

"So," Arthur said, his tone returning to its normal drawl. "Is _Mer_ lin in love with his fair damsel in distress?"

"I don't know," Merlin said honestly. He didn't think the way Arthur did, he didn't count down the minutes until he could see her or try and sneak out the way he had done with Freya.

"I just don't know."

"I know what you need." Arthur stood up, reaching for his boots again. Merlin stared at him as he pulled them on before reaching for his jacket. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Merlin asked cautiously, also standing up. "If you think you're dragging me for another hunt…"

"Not this time." Arthur buckled on his sword belt and strode for the door. "Now hurry up."

"Not until you tell me where."

"Your favourite place, Merlin. We're going to the tavern so you can figure out how you feel and I can forget everything my father has been talking about for the entire evening."

Merlin hurried after his master. He was beginning to think he should be worried about the number of good ideas Arthur seemed to be having lately.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry I've been so out of sorts with responding to reviews - I appreciate every single one of them, they really mean a lot to me._

 _I hope you like this next chapter!_

* * *

"Don't look at me like that," Merlin told the horse. "It's our master's fault for drinking too much."

The night at the tavern had been eventful. Merlin had mulled over his feelings as he nursed his ale. The only reason Arthur didn't call him out on being pathetic was because the prince had been too busy complaining. The king had ordered him to increase the guard, but Arthur refused to tax the people further and they were at loggerheads over where the coin was going to come from.

Merlin was only half-listening. He _felt_ pathetic without Arthur telling him so. He had always known how he was feeling, so why was this different?

His brooding meant Arthur drunk far more than he did and when he had arrived at the prince's chambers that morning, it was for Arthur to order him to muck out the stables as punishment for being cheerful. Merlin had just rolled his eyes and left - after ensuring there was sufficient food and drink to stop the prince feeling so rough by the time he attended training. While Merlin thought Arthur deserved it, he also knew full well who would end up looking after him afterwards and wanted to make his life a little easier.

"Hello, Merlin."

Merlin jumped, staring at the horse in bewilderment before realising the voice came from behind him. He turned and smiled at seeing Clarissa in the doorway. There was a basket over one arm and she smiled at him, partly in greeting, partly in apology for making him start.

"Hi," Merlin said. The horse snorted in his ear and nudged him on the arm. Merlin turned and glared at the creature, wishing it wouldn't try to interfere.

"Are you busy?"

"Nope," Merlin said. Clarissa looked around the stables and Merlin followed her gaze before shrugging. "Nothing important that can't wait. He won't even notice. Do you need help with something?"

"Not exactly." Clarissa shifted the basket's weight, looking at the floor before back up at him. "I wondered if you would like to join me for lunch?"

"A picnic?" Merlin's eyebrows raised in surprise even as he grinned. From the disastrous attempts at love and courting he had witnessed in Camelot, especially lately with charms flying back and forth amongst the royals, a picnic meant more than just friendship.

"Only if you want to."

"Definitely," Merlin said. He threw down his fork and secured the stable door behind him. "Give me a few minutes to get changed."

Clarissa agreed to meet him in the courtyard and Merlin sped back to Gaius'. He hadn't confirmed how he was feeling the night before and he wondered if this would clarify things for him. He certainly enjoyed spending time with her and it would be nice to get away from the castle.

He splashed his face, ran his fingers through his hair and pulled on a clean shirt before hurrying back outside. He didn't want to leave her waiting, but also didn't want Arthur to see him and prevent him from leaving. Luck was on his side, for once, and Merlin breathlessly arrived in the courtyard. Clarissa rose from where she had been sitting on the steps and Merlin gallantly offered her his arm.

They couldn't go far – Merlin knew he would never get away with "borrowing" a couple of horses from the stable for the entire afternoon without Arthur finding out. But it wasn't far to a small clearing that was out of sight of the castle. The grass was lush and green and a small stream trickled through it. Merlin had found it by accident in his first few months in Camelot and hadn't had the chance to spend time here properly.

The delighted smile on Clarissa's face made it worth it. She had thought of everything and Merlin took the blanket from her to spread it out on the grass. There wasn't much food but he hadn't expected more. She could afford it even less than he could, despite Gaius paying her what he could for her assistance.

"This looks great," Merlin said sincerely. He helped her sit down and wondered if he should have been the one to come up with the idea. He didn't understand the intricacies of getting to know someone, despite Gwen's suggestions.

"It's not much," Clarissa said, blushing.

"It's perfect."

The afternoon passed quickly. They ate in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. But then they relaxed in each other's presence and shared stories and quips from their past. Merlin made her laugh more than once with some of the adventures he had experienced since arriving in Camelot. He made them sound bold and daring rather than terrifying and dangerous, but if Clarissa noticed, she didn't let on.

"Tell me about your magic."

Merlin was lying on his back, soaking in the sun. His head lifted at her question and he slowly sat up, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Why?" He had never openly spoken about his magic before. The only time he discussed it with Gaius was when an emergency demanded it. There was no one else to talk to.

"I understand so little and yet you saved my life with it. I'm curious."

Merlin couldn't resist that and he opened his mouth. No words escaped him though. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't explain his magic because it was just part of him. He had never been without it and didn't know what aspects of himself was linked to his magic and what other people felt. He shrugged.

"There's not much to tell," he said. He carefully looked around, remembering all too well the consequences the last time he had used magic in the open. Once he was sure no one was about other than Clarissa, he smiled.

"But I can show you."

He had never showed off with magic the way he did that afternoon, but her smile made it worth it. As the sun started to dip behind the horizon, Merlin sighed.

"We should be getting back." He knew Arthur would kill him if he didn't show up. He made to stand but Clarissa put her hand on his chest, pushing him back to the ground.

Before Merlin knew what was happening, she had lent in and kissed him deeply. He had never been kissed like that and was more than happy to return it. But as Clarissa moved closer, Merlin knew the answer to his dilemma.

He didn't love her.

He liked her, a lot. But her kiss didn't make him feel alive the way Freya's had done. There was no spark, no real desire. He enjoyed her company and having fun, but not this. He slowly pulled back.

"I think I love you," Clarissa whispered. Merlin awkwardly stood up.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, having no idea what to say. "We really should get going, Arthur will be looking for me."

It happened so fast that he convinced himself he imagined it. But a flash of pure fury shot over Clarissa's face, twisting her features into something ugly. When he blinked, she looked saddened but like her normal self.

"I understand," she said, also standing up. "You have others who come first."

Merlin didn't know what to make of that, so for the first time in his life, he did the sensible thing and remained quiet. Clarissa touched his arm.

"Don't let this spoil our friendship," she said with a smile. It didn't reach her eyes the way it had done previously. She reached up and unclasped a chain from her neck. Merlin hadn't noticed it before. A small pendant hung on the end, a pale red teardrop no bigger than the pad of his thumb.

"I want you to have this," she said. Merlin shook his head.

"I can't. It's all you have."

"And I owe you my life," Clarissa said. She took his hand and pressed the chain into it. "I want to thank you, Merlin. I understand if you don't return my feelings, but as a friend, I want you to have it."

"Thank you," Merlin said. Not knowing what else to do, he clasped it around his own neck. This time, Clarissa's smile appeared real and Merlin knew he had done the right thing to keep her friendship. He touched her shoulder gently.

"I do care for you," he began. Clarissa put a finger against his lips.

"Maybe in time," she said. "But let's not ruin our day."

Merlin agreed whole-heartedly with that and the conversation felt like nothing more than a dream when they arrived back in Camelot, breathless with laughter from where they had rushed. Merlin escorted her back to her rooms, claiming he was being gallant, but they both knew it was because he needed to get to Arthur.

Once her door had shut, Merlin tucked the pendant down his shirt and opened the door to his master's room.

"So, _Mer_ lin," Arthur drawled and Merlin groaned. His absence had been noted and the prince was less than happy. It was going to be a long evening.

But he didn't regret the afternoon.

MMM

When Arthur awoke, he couldn't initially work out what had disturbed his rest. His room was in darkness and the fire had died down, meaning it had to be the middle of the night at least. Merlin had left hours ago and Arthur knew his servant would be asleep; it wasn't Merlin disturbing him for once.

All seemed quiet and Arthur lay back down. But just as sleep tried to claim him, he heard it again. The faint sound of something breaking. Instantly alert for an intruder, he slipped from the bed and drew his sword. On a whim, he checked beneath the bed, but neither Merlin nor anyone else was hiding there this time. He stood in the middle of his room, on edge and waiting for the next crash.

He didn't have to wait long and he realised the noise wasn't coming from his chambers at all. It seemed to be coming from the ones next door, the thick stone walls muffling the noise. Arthur pulled on his boots and strode for the door. Merlin may have saved the girl in the forest (Arthur knew it even if he refused to say it out loud when Merlin was in earshot), but Arthur knew his servant wouldn't forgive him if something happened to her when she was just next door.

He stole down the corridor and paused outside the door. He heard a snarl of frustration and another crash and Arthur pushed against the wood. It wasn't locked and the door opened a fraction on well-oiled hinges.

The prince froze. From his limited vision, he could see that Clarissa was alone. Arthur thought he should check she was alright, but even as the thought entered his mind, she picked up a pot and flung it at the wall with a cry of rage. Arthur backed away, shutting the door silently and slipping back to his own chambers. He turned the key in the lock this time before toeing off his shoes, putting his sword away and climbing back into bed.

Sleep was a long time coming though. What was she so angry about? She may have lost her belongings in the forest but she had escaped with her life and Arthur knew that Gwen had fashioned her a new dress. He would know Guinevere's work anywhere and he wondered if he was as bad as Merlin's teasing implied. Now, however, he forced his thoughts away from her. Camelot had been Clarissa's intended destination and she had found work and lodgings far grander than anything she could imagine.

So what had her lashing out in the middle of the night like a woman possessed? Arthur's last thought was he would have to ask Merlin. If anyone knew, it was his servant. He had spent the afternoon shirking his duties to be with her, after all. Arthur snorted, pushed his pillows into a more comfortable position and tried to put the matter out of his mind so he could sleep.

When he next awoke, it was to the sound of someone pounding angrily on the door and sunlight streaming through. Arthur rolled out of bed and unlocked the door, revealing an irate Merlin standing the other side.

"You want me to be on time and then lock me out!"

"You know you could have entered through the servant's quarters?" Arthur hadn't even considered locking that door. Clarissa might have been angry, but Arthur doubted she would slip through the servant's door if she wanted to gain access to the prince. It was too well concealed – that was the whole point of it, after all.

Merlin looked at him like he was mad and elbowed his way into the room. As he brushed past Arthur, the prince caught sight of something around his servant's neck. He hid a smirk, knowing it must be a trinket from Clarissa as he certainly hadn't seen it before and not a lot got past Arthur.

"If your breakfast is cold, you're not blaming me," Merlin huffed as he put a tray on the table and began making the bed. He tripped over Arthur's boots and stared at his master.

"I put them away last night."

"I got them out again."

"Why?"

"I heard something."

Merlin looked alarmed and Arthur barely concealed his amusement. He was the first Knight of Camelot and Merlin could barely remain upright. Merlin wouldn't have been able to assist him even if there had been something dangerous occurring.

"And?"

Arthur was halfway through a mouthful of food and stared at Merlin, the conversation already having fled his mind.

"What?"

"Was anything wrong or was your hearing playing tricks on you? Wouldn't be the first time, would it?"

Arthur flicked a grape at his servant. "It was something, actually," he said slowly, cautiously. For all of his teasing, he knew Clarissa meant something to Merlin and his own recent discovery of love meant he knew how _painful_ it could be if not handled correctly. Merlin was an idiot, but Arthur wouldn't wish that on anyone.

"It was Clarissa."

"What about her?" If Arthur wasn't mistaken, Merlin's tone was guarded and he looked wary as he stared at Arthur.

"She…" Arthur had no idea how to say what had occurred. "Did something happen yesterday between the two of you?"

"Why would you care?"

Arthur ignored the bite to Merlin's comment. "Because something made her lash out and destroy half her room in the middle of the night."

"That's nonsense."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"Maybe you were still asleep? Maybe you dreamt it?"

Arthur sighed at Merlin's challenge. He could understand why the man would defend her – no one wanted to admit the person they cared about had a temper, especially as one as destructive as Arthur had witnessed. He also realised that Merlin hadn't answered the question.

"So something did happen between the two of you?"

"It's none of your business. Besides, you're wrong about her."

"I know what I saw, Merlin."

"Show me."

"Excuse me?"

"Show me," Merlin repeated. He moved across the room to stand opposite Arthur. "She's out for Gaius at the moment, so show me the destruction."

Arthur knew it was a bad idea and an invasion of privacy. But he was not going to stand for Merlin calling him a liar or acting as if Arthur was the one who had done something wrong.

"Fine." Arthur stood up and strode out of the room. Merlin had to run to catch up. Despite his servant saying that she wasn't there, he still knocked on the door. There was no answer and Arthur pushed it open.

The room was spotless.

"I know what I saw," he repeated. He knew it hadn't been a dream; the fact his boots were in the wrong place was testimony of that.

"It was late and you were tired." Merlin's voice was softer now and he reached out, pulling the door shut. "Nothing happened here."

"I know it," Arthur muttered. "She looked feral, she was furious. She looked…dangerous."

"Stop it." Merlin turned and marched back into the prince's chambers and Arthur followed suit, wondering what was going on with Merlin.

"You should be careful around her," he warned. Merlin turned, anger on his own face.

"I can look after myself, Sire. She's just a girl who has been through a lot and I'm trying to help her. Maybe you should give it a go, someday. Helping someone out of the goodness of your heart rather than for the glory."

"You're going too far, Merlin."

"Someone has to say it."

"Merlin!"

"Not everything is about you, Arthur!"

"Get out." Arthur pointed at the door, anger coursing through him. He had always respected that Merlin said what he thought rather than bowed and scrapped like the normal servants. But he was the Prince of Camelot and Merlin was just his servant. There was a line and Merlin had just crossed it. Judging by the look on his servant's face, he had no intention of backing down either. Arthur wanted Merlin to leave before either of them said something they couldn't take back.

Merlin threw down his cleaning cloth with a huff and stormed from the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Arthur didn't move until he was certain his servant had left.

With the pendant hidden inside Merlin's shirt, neither of them saw it pulse.

Arthur sank into his chair and ran his fingers through his hair. He had never heard Merlin sound so bitter before and if he was honest, Arthur was concerned that maybe he was the one who had gone too far. But he was damned if he was going to chase after his servant and apologise.

He finished his breakfast in a mood, then dressed and sheathed his sword. There was only one person who could help him with this. Despite knowing Morgana would never let him live it down, Arthur didn't know who else he had to turn too.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much to everyone sticking with this story! I'm sorry for the delay in updating, real life has a tendency to get in the way!

* * *

 _The rain lashed him through his sodden clothing, the wet material whipping against his skin. His vision was obscured and the howling wind made it hard to hear anything. But Merlin was drawn on; he knew he had to keep moving. Wrapping his arms around himself, he bent his head against the storm and pushed forward. He didn't know where he was going or what he was going to do when he got there, but he knew he needed to move._

 _He walked for hours, or so his aching body led him to believe. But when water lapped into his boots, he realised he was on the edge of a lake. A very familiar lake. Shivers wracked his body for a different reason and Merlin stopped. Tears mingled with the rain as he looked up._

 _Freya was standing in front of him. But she wasn't at peace, not the way he had left her. She was standing, her dress swirling around her in a furious manner. Merlin blinked the water out of his eyes and realised there was a huge bloodstain on her side and it was growing larger. He stumbled towards her._

" _You let me die." Her voice was cold and accusing and Merlin shook his head._

" _No. No, I tried to save you."_

" _You let me die. You didn't try hard enough and you let your so-called prince drive his sword into me as if I was an animal."_

" _I tried…"_

" _You're weak. Pathetic. You do not deserve the magic you have been blessed with."_

 _Freya reached towards him. There was nothing Merlin could do as her hands found his throat, paralysed by the guilt and shame that she was right: he had let her die. As soon as her hands touched, a fiery heat erupted on his chest._

"No!" Merlin sat bolt upright, sweating and shaking. The heat on his chest didn't disappear though and he fumbled blindly beneath his nightshirt. His hand touched the pendant Clarissa had given him but he withdrew with a small yelp. It was burning hot. Gritting his teeth, he tore at the chain and flung the pendant across the room. Even in the darkness, he could see it glowing red.

Lethargy washed over him and he collapsed back against his bed. His vision was swimming and before he could form a coherent thought, he had fallen asleep again.

Bright sunlight streamed through his window, waking him. Merlin sat up, rubbing his eyes ad staring around his room. It had been a disturbed night, but he couldn't remember the dream, only that it had terrified him. His hand rose to his chest, touching the pendant resting over his heart. It made him smile. At least he hadn't ruined everything.

He rose and dressed. He couldn't explain why he looked to the corner of his room, feeling as if something should be there. The longer he stared, the more a faint thought began to take shape. He touched the pendant again. A vague memory of throwing it off stirred in the back of his mind.

"Merlin! You're going to be late."

Merlin jumped, the half-formed thought fleeing his mind. He shook himself, irritated that a dream could affect him so badly and bounded down the stairs. He snatched a few bites of his breakfast before hurrying out of the door.

"I'm going to be late," he called as he ran for the kitchens. Arthur's breakfast was waiting and Merlin hoped it hadn't cooled too much by the time he reached the prince's chambers.

"It's cold." Arthur hadn't said a word when Merlin had entered and uncomfortable silence had ensued when Merlin remembered his harsh words from the day before. He wasn't going to apologise though; he didn't see why he should. He also knew that neither would Arthur.

But as greetings go, this made Merlin scowl.

"It's fine," he said shortly.

"You're not the one eating it."

Merlin felt his temper rise. He forced himself to keep it in check. While he couldn't remember his dream, it had disturbed him and he was tired. He shut his eyes and ran his hand over them.

"Should I fetch you something else?"

"No."

"Then don't moan." The words slipped out before Merlin could stop it. He froze, keeping his back turned.

"I see your mood hasn't improved," Arthur said. "So perhaps you should attend Gaius this morning."

"I can't." Merlin was surprised at how strong his feelings were. He didn't want to return to Gaius; he didn't want to see Clarissa. He didn't know why. "Please, Arthur. Let me stay."

He risked a glance over his shoulder to see Arthur watching him with an inscrutable expression on his face.

"I suppose you never did finish mucking out the stables," he said carefully. Merlin's spirits soared.

"Of course. Right away, Sire."

He rushed from the room before Arthur could change his mind. Despite the prince's complaints, it was still early and there were very few people around as Merlin hurried to the stables. Once the smell of fresh straw greeted him, he stopped and breathed deeply.

What was wrong with him?

He felt drained and irritable and Arthur's attitude had sent him over the edge. But Arthur had been complaining about his work since Merlin's first day and normally, he had a quip to respond with, not a comment that could get him thrown in the stocks. Gripping the stall, Merlin curled his fingers around the wood and focused on his breathing, letting go of his negative emotions.

To his relief, it worked. He set to work with relish, adamant he was going to make it up to Arthur in ways that didn't involve him actually having to say he was sorry.

He finished in time to get changed and take Arthur his lunch. The prince was working on some documents, his brow furrowed in concentration. Merlin knew not to interrupt him and placed the food to the side before quietly clearing up the room.

"He's doing it," Arthur eventually muttered. Merlin knew that tone of voice; Arthur was upset about his father's decision and felt safe saying it when Merlin was the only person present in his chambers with the door shut. Merlin hid a grin as he turned to face his master. His outburst hadn't shaken Arthur's trust in him too much.

"What?" Merlin asked quietly, moving across the room and perching on a chair. Arthur threw the parchment down in disgust.

"He's enforcing the new tax. The people can't afford it."

"Could you talk to him?"

"He won't listen to me."

Merlin didn't respond. He had never even met his father, so he was hardly the expert on father-son relationships. He knew Arthur's was strained with Uther at the best of times.

"There is a bright side though," Merlin said slowly. Arthur looked up at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"The people will know it is him, not you. They'll still be behind you, Arthur."

Arthur looked as if he was going to make a retort, then thought through what Merlin had said and swallowed it. He glanced towards his lunch, then stood up and picked up his cloak.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?" Merlin asked cautiously. The last time Arthur had acted like this, the tavern had been the result. It was too early in the day for the prince to go there without word spreading.

"We're going to buy lunch in town."

Merlin grinned as Arthur left. This was Arthur's way of supporting the people, spending money he wouldn't normally in order to ensure their income while the tax was being imposed. It was a small gesture, but Merlin knew how much it would mean to the people.

He hurried after Arthur. As he passed Clarissa's door, he felt drawn to it. His hand touched his chest, certain he felt a faint warmth radiating from the pendant. Irritation flashed over him again – it had taken him time to fetch Arthur's lunch only for it to be ignored – but then faded as fast as it had come. He pulled the pendant out of his shirt and stared at it. It was cold to touch and his emotions felt like his own again.

Telling himself he was imagining things and it was just the tiredness making him act in this way, Merlin hurried after Arthur, hoping an afternoon in the sunshine, watching Arthur be the leader he was destined to be, would help settle his unease.

It did, and he was in a good mood when they returned to the castle. When he bumped into Clarissa, he accepted her invitation of dinner without a second thought. They were friends, after all, even if the amused expression on Arthur's face said otherwise. Merlin didn't say anything but threw a cushion at the prince. He naturally missed, then received it full in the face when Arthur flung it back.

"Get out of here, Merlin," the prince said. His tone couldn't have differed more from how he had ordered his servant out the evening before and Merlin left in high spirits.

MMM

Merlin strode down the corridor the following morning, his hands clenched into fists as he tried to keep the tears at bay. He had had another nightmare and although he still couldn't recall it, he knew it had been about Freya. He was exhausted from the disturbed nights and he couldn't hold himself in check.

Turning a corner, he saw Rebecca kneeling by a dropped tray. She too looked close to tears but managed to smile when she saw him coming.

"Merlin!" The relief was obvious in her voice and she started straightening. "I know you're going to Arthur, but I don't suppose you have a moment…"

On most days, Merlin would have dropped to his knees and started helping instantly, pretending he was delaying getting to Arthur but really wanting to help. He stopped and glanced down.

"You made the mess. You can clear it up."

Then he carried on walking, oblivious to the hurt expression on Rebecca's face and her tears finally spilling over.

But he had a destiny to save on a daily basis because Arthur was an idiot who couldn't function without him. He didn't have time to save everyone else in the castle from their own mistakes as well! He was tired, he was late and knew the day was going to be hell without wasting more time on something that had nothing to do with him.

Without realising it, Merlin rubbed the pendant under his shirt. It was warm again, only this time, he paid it no attention. If he had drawn it from his shirt, he would have seen it was glowing red again, but Merlin assumed it was its normal gold in colour.

He avoided eye contact in the kitchen and barged into Arthur's chambers without knocking, glad the prat hadn't locked the door again. Saving his life was hard enough without being locked out. Arthur was still in bed and Merlin banged the trays down on the table.

"Are you getting up?"

Arthur rolled over, opening his eyes and glaring across the room. "I thought you were supposed to be cheerful?"

"Don't feel like it."

"I can see that." Arthur climbed out of bed and Merlin tried to hold the prince's gaze as Arthur watched him closely. He knew he needed to get a grip, that if Arthur sensed his bad mood again, there would be hell to pay. He didn't think it was likely though; Arthur never noticed anything.

Leaving the prince to get dressed – Arthur himself had pointed out he was capable of it – Merlin started tidying the room. He wasn't gentle. Armour was banged on the table and he threw a pair of boots across the room to their normal resting place. A scowl was on his face for the entire time and if he was honest, Merlin didn't know why. The dreams had left him shaken and he was tired, but there was this deep anger burning in him he had never experienced before.

It scared him. But he knew he couldn't say anything. Arthur would suspect magic if Merlin suddenly announced he wanted to hit something. Arthur was right; Merlin was normally the cheerful one. But the mere thought of faking a smile made him feel sick.

As it happened, it wasn't Merlin's choice whether Arthur realised how deep his bad mood ran. The prince was eating breakfast – without another word to Merlin since he had first woken up – when the door banged open. Merlin spun instinctively, but relaxed when he saw Morgana framed in the doorway.

"You're as bad as knocking as Merlin," Arthur complained. Morgana paid him no heed but stalked across the room. Merlin backed up, but didn't move fast enough until the King's Ward had slapped him. Merlin gasped, as much in surprise as pain as his hand came up to touch his flaming cheek.

"Do I want to ask?" Arthur said cautiously. When Merlin looked at him, Arthur had his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. Deep down, Merlin was touched Arthur would even consider defending him.

"Why don't you ask your servant what he did on the way to work this morning?" Morgana was seething and despite Arthur looking at him expectantly, Merlin looked at the ground and shook his head.

"I expect it of the knights, I even expect it of you, Arthur. Not of Merlin!"

"What did he do?"

"Made Rebecca cry!"

"Who?"

Morgana swung around and Merlin saw Arthur shrink back under her stare. "One of the maids. Merlin here decided to make some cruel comment and then continue on his way, reducing the poor girl to tears. Gwen found her, so before you try and tell me its none of my business, I now have two upset maids to deal with. Gwen swore you would do no such a thing."

"Merlin?" There was a warning note in Arthur's voice and Merlin knew Morgana had said exactly the right thing to make Arthur take note of the situation. Merlin had upset Gwen. The prince was not going to let it pass. Merlin looked back at the floor and shook his head.

"Morgana, get out."

"I am not leaving until…"

"Go."

Morgana sensed the same warning in Arthur's voice that Merlin had and she strode out with an icy glare at Merlin. He leant against the wall, head down, as he waited to see what Arthur would say. No doubt yell at him and order him out of his rooms, possibly even out of Camelot. The irritation flared again and Merlin wondered if he would even care if Arthur banished him.

"Are you alright?"

The words were spoken softly and so unexpected that Merlin glanced up despite himself. Arthur had let go of his sword and perched on the edge of the table, watching Merlin carefully.

Merlin didn't answer the question; he didn't know how. "Why?"

"You've been out of sorts for days. The bad moods are one thing, everyone has them. But to upset your friends, deliberately if what Morgana says is true. That is not you."

"How do you know what is me? You don't know me! You don't care about anyone other than yourself."

"That's enough." Arthur's relaxed stance was gone and he advanced towards his servant. "I have had it with your outbursts and accusations. Either you lose the mood, you tell me what is going on or you get out."

Merlin stared at him. He could feel, deep down, some part of him crying out for Arthur's help. But help with what? Nothing was wrong! A more overwhelming part of him was angry, angry enough to lash out. He clenched his fists and denied to himself he wanted to hit his master.

But Arthur was a knight. He was trained to see physical reactions. He spread his arms wide.

"Come on then," he said, his voice dangerous. "Do it."

Merlin should have known better. He should have controlled himself. But he gave in and swung for Arthur. The prince dodged with embarrassing ease, catching Merlin's arm and bending it behind his back.

"Perhaps a few days in the cells will make you consider your actions."

Merlin struggled as Arthur marched him towards the door. With his arms pinned behind him, his shirt was drawn back. As he fought Arthur's grip, the pendant was revealed. Merlin stopped fighting as he stared at it. It wasn't gold like he thought, but red. He lent back so it touched his skin again and yelped. It was burning.

His magic coiled uneasily in his stomach.

"Arthur-,"

"What? I'm not listening to your excuses." But Arthur's grip lessened and Merlin wriggled free. The pendant dipped under his shirt again. Merlin pulled it out…and stared. It was gold again, and cold to the touch.

"I don't…" He trailed off, not knowing what to say. He had seen it change, he was certain of it. His anger faded and he stared up at Arthur. "I need to see Gaius."

"You are in no position to give demands, Merlin."

"This is important."

"I'm sure it is. And as you like to remind me, I don't care."

Merlin bit his lip. He knew his accusations had hurt Arthur and the prince was making him pay for that. He only wished that Arthur would trust him when he said something was important. How many times had Merlin warned him, been right and been ignored?

He felt the now-familiar warmth of the pendant against his chest as his anger flared. This time, Arthur wasn't ready for him. Merlin clenched his fist and put all of his frustration behind his blow, punching his master as hard as he could.

It was only as Arthur went flying across the room did Merlin realise he had released magic as well. He turned and fled the room. Arthur would be alright; he had to be. But Merlin knew something was going on with the pendant and until he found out what, he wasn't safe to be around.


	6. Chapter 6

_So real life is horrible and gets in the way - sorry for the wait! My muse has also done a runner, leaving me rather stuck! Still, I hope you like this next chapter!_

* * *

Merlin didn't run far. He couldn't. His lungs burnt and he fought for breath, choking back a sob as he rounded a corner. The corridor was clear and Merlin leant against the wall, biting down on his fist.

He had hit Arthur.

He had used magic against the prince.

Arthur was never going to forgive him.

Merlin was torn. Part of him wanted to return to his master, wait for Arthur to wake up and take whatever punishment the prince threw at him. He deserved it and it would stop his thoughts from agonising about what Arthur might do to him.

But he knew what he had seen. The pendant was glowing. Merlin untucked it from his shirt, letting the stone rest in the palm of his hand. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that he had removed it from his neck the other night, when the nightmare had taken hold. And now… his anger had faded away and the pendant was gold and cool. But when it had been red and hot, Merlin's emotions had matched.

He stared at the small stone resting in his hand. It had to be some sort of mistake. Clarissa wouldn't have given him anything that could harm him. She had said it herself, she was falling in love with him. Could he trust what he had seen when he had been so full of hate in that moment?

Merlin had his answer: yes. The fact he had been so angry proved it. After everything he had overcome since becoming Arthur's servant, nothing had made him react like that. Arthur had locked him up, put him in the stocks, the cells even, and the most Merlin had ever felt was irritated and annoyed. He had never been truly angry at Arthur until now.

He resisted tugging the pendant off. It would either find its way back to him or some innocent by-stander might discover it. He tucked it back into his shirt and took a deep breath. Slowly, he straightened up and turned. He had to get back to Gaius', knowing his mentor would have either the answer or a place to start looking. Merlin crossed his fingers that Clarissa had returned to her own rooms and not the physician's.

Merlin moved cautiously, half expecting the guards to come for him with every step he took. He wondered if Arthur had regained consciousness. Merlin knew he should check, but if Clarissa had returned to her rooms…

He pressed on. He didn't want to believe she had anything to do with this. But the uneasy feeling in his stomach didn't disappear and Merlin knew better than to be naïve. If she had suddenly declared her love for Arthur, he would be worrying about magic, especially after the events of the last few months. Just because she had targeted him didn't mean things were any different.

By the time he reached his home, Merlin was saddened by his thoughts. All he had wanted was a friend who would help him heal from Freya, someone he could enjoy spending time with. He worried Camelot had made him so paranoid he was seeing danger where there was only love.

"Merlin?"

Gaius' exasperated tone made Merlin look up. He had entered their rooms without noticing, sitting moodily down on a stool without even glancing at Gaius. He tried to smile apologetically and the physician sighed.

"What is it?"

"Clarissa," Merlin muttered. He looked around properly, checking she wasn't there. The room was clear.

"If you're after love advice…" Gaius began, looking uncomfortable. Merlin's grin was genuine and he sat up. Reaching into his shirt, he pulled out the pendant and unclasped it from his neck.

"She gave me this," Merlin said. Gaius' eyebrow rose.

"And?"

"And…" Merlin took a breath, hoping he wasn't about to sound crazy. "And I just knocked Arthur out after feeling it burning against my skin. It turned red, Gaius, I'm sure of it."

"You knocked Arthur out?" Gaius sounded totally disbelieving and Merlin shrugged.

"I might have used magic," he mumbled.

"Merlin!"

"I didn't mean too! I was so angry and he wasn't listening and I just…reacted." He finished lamely, ashamed of himself. Without the pendant around his neck, events seemed even worse now than they had when he was in the corridor.

"Let me see." Gaius held out his hand and Merlin tipped the pendant into it. The old man peered at it, turning it this way and that as he muttered under his breath. Merlin's leg started jiggling, but he knew better than to interrupt.

Gaius took it across to his work bench, pulling out his looking glass as he did so. Merlin hurried over to peer over his shoulder.

"There are markings around the setting," Gaius murmured. "Hand me that book, would you?"

Merlin looked at the pile. "Which one?"

Gaius reached past and picked it up for himself, flicking through it and glancing at the pendant from time to time as he disregarded what he found. Watching him work, Merlin finally felt calm. If anyone was going to find the answer, it would be Gaius.

"Here."

Merlin jumped, lost in his thoughts, and leant over. There was a sketching of some markings in the book and a description next to it, but Merlin couldn't read it.

"What language is this?"

"An old one," Gaius said, moving closer. He peered at the text and Merlin knew his mentor was able to translate it. They had yet encountered a problem Gaius hadn't been able to solve with his books.

"What does it mean?"

"The engravings are part of a spell," he said, moving the glass over the words. "It is designed to bring forth-,"

"Yes?"

" - extreme feelings of anger and hate."

"Oh."

Merlin sat down heavily, staring at the pendant. He had wanted to believe he was imagining things, just this once.

"It was used many years ago, when magic was free," Gaius continued. "Kings would use the pendants to rile their soldiers up for war, making them an unstoppable force."

"How do we stop it?" Merlin asked, hoping the tremble in his voice wasn't obvious to the physician. Gaius looked over at him, sympathy in his eyes.

"You stop wearing it." His gaze may have been kind, but his voice was stern. "And you confront the source."

"You want me to face Clarissa?" Merlin tried to deny his heart hammered hard at the thought. If she was responsible, Merlin knew he had to stop her. But he had been sincere in his words to her – he considered her a friend and the idea of having to turn on her made him feel sick.

"I want you to be safe." Gaius stood, crossing over to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. "This girl may be innocent. But she knows about your magic. If she is planning something, the whole of Camelot may be in peril."

"Great," Merlin muttered. "Just another Tuesday."

Gaius gave his shoulder a squeeze and let go. "I will see what I can learn about the spell. Meanwhile, hide it away."

Merlin nodded. He picked the pendant up by the chain, careful not to let it come into contact with his skin. By candlelight, it looked beautiful, the gold catching the light and glimmering. Merlin stared at it, wondering how it could make him feel so angry. He shuddered and climbed the stairs to his room, feeling Gaius' burning stare on his back as he did so.

Once there, he carefully pulled up his loose floorboard. Finding an old scarf, he wrapped the pendant in the material and placed it under his spell book before replacing the floorboard. With everything back in place, Merlin blew out a pent-up breath. That was the easy part.

He had no idea how he was going to face Clarissa or what he was going to say. He had never been the target before (Nimueh poisoning him didn't count – being unconscious for the most part meant everyone else had to deal with it, not him) and Merlin was tempted to feel flattered. But then the image of Arthur's crumbled form swum in his mind's eye and he felt hollow instead. Saving his prince was a lot easier than saving himself. But Gaius was right and if the whole of Camelot was indeed in danger, Merlin knew he was the only one who would be able to stop her.

Knowing it was too late to seek out Clarissa now (and too scared to go near Arthur's chambers), Merlin sat on his bed, eventually dropping his head into his hands. He hadn't asked for any of this. All he had done was save a girl from death and want a friend with whom he could be himself.

Instead, he had hurt the one person he had sworn to protect.

Feeling a headache forming, Merlin fell back and stared at his ceiling. It offered no answers to his troubled mind, but his gaze followed the cracks above his head and it eventually worked to soothe his thoughts. Merlin drifted off to sleep and for the first time since he had received the pendant, no nightmares plagued his rest.

MMM

Merlin avoided Arthur the next morning, begging a favour from another servant and asking them to take the prince's breakfast. Still no guard came for him and he knew Arthur didn't want to see him either. It was easier this way; he could focus on Clarissa rather than worrying over Arthur.

His mind was clearer with the morning sun though. A restful night had worked wonders and Merlin knew what he had to do. He skipped breakfast, leaving before Gaius returned from his morning rounds. He wasn't in the mood for a pep talk and didn't want advice that would make his head spin. He was going to act on his instincts and see what happened. He knew Gaius had sent word that Clarissa should take the morning off though, making sure she was in her rooms. Not only did it mean Merlin could find her, but that no one else would be hurt.

By the time he reached Clarissa's chambers, he felt sick. He had timed it right, knowing that Arthur was down at the training grounds. Taking a deep breath, Merlin lifted his hand and knocked on the door. The dull thuds echoed through his mind and he closed his eyes. His magic washed through him, warm and strengthening and Merlin opened his eyes in time to see the door open.

"Merlin!" Clarissa sounded genuinely delighted and Merlin forced himself to smile.

"Can I come in?" He asked. He wanted to run in the opposite direction, but Merlin knew this had to take place behind a closed door. Clarissa smiled and opened the door wider, inviting him in.

Merlin entered, his gaze roaming the room intently. He was searching for a sign that Arthur had been right, that Clarissa had destroyed everything in a fit of rage. But all the ornaments seemed to be in the right place and Merlin felt uneasy as he sunk into the offered seat.

"Why have you come to Camelot?"

"You know why." Clarissa sounded confused, her smile slipping as she perched on the edge of the bed opposite him. "I was looking for work. I wanted to secure my future."

Merlin nodded. He saw a mark on the wall and he stood, pretending to be looking around. "I only see Arthur's rooms," he said as an excuse, moving closer. It was a scratch in the paintwork, the type made by something hitting it with force.

"Of course." Clarissa was watching his movements. "I'm sorry, why are you here, Merlin?"

Merlin returned to his seat. He locked eyes with her and removed his scarf. Clarissa's gaze fell to his chest and her face fell.

"You're not wearing the pendant."

"No." Merlin spoke slowly, watching for her reaction. "It burnt me."

He showed her the mark on his chest, the only evidence that he hadn't imagined the entire thing. He watched Clarissa closely and as she looked at the mark, a dark shadow passed over her eyes. She blinked and it was gone, but Merlin knew what he had seen. Arthur had been telling the truth about her destroying the room. She was aware of what the pendant could do, and she had given it to him anyway.

Clarissa rose from the bed, moving across the room. Her back was to Merlin but he didn't have time to shift position before she turned, a goblet of wine in either hand.

"I can explain everything," she said, handing him one. Merlin stared into the cup, mistrust burning in his veins. Clarissa took a long swig of her own drink and Merlin decided he would need a different type of courage for the upcoming conversation. He took a long drink.

And instantly regretted it.

Whatever she had laced his cup with acted fast. Merlin felt his body slipping from the chair, but he could do nothing to stop his fall. He crashed heavily to the floor, but couldn't wince. He fought to keep his eyes open. Through dimming vision, he saw Clarissa crouch next to him, her fingertips brushing his cheek.

"This would have been so much easier if you had fallen in love with me," she said. The words rang through Merlin's head, but he didn't understand what she meant.

Then his eyes slipped shut and darkness claimed him.

Merlin had no idea how long he had been unconscious for. When he came to, he could feel he was lying down, his hands and feet bound. He tried tugging experimentally on his bonds before opening his eyes, but they had been secured tightly. Merlin lifted his head and groaned.

He was still in Clarissa's room. She had made good use of the luxurious bed, binding his hands and feet to the four posts. Merlin knew he wasn't going anywhere. As he strained up, he felt a familiar heat against his chest.

"No!" Merlin cried, trying to buck to the side as the pendant burnt against his skin. How had she found it? A soft laugh echoed across the room and Merlin twisted until Clarissa came into view. She was standing next to the bed. Upon realising his attention was fixed on her, she ran a finger across his chest. It would have been seductive if there was anything other than malice in her eyes.

"You're not the only one with magic, Merlin," she said. Merlin stopped struggling just to stare at her.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Your power." She crouched down, leaning in close to his ear. "It's delicious. I want it."

Merlin shivered. He didn't know who she was or how powerful she was, but he knew he was in trouble. He held onto hope though. He was next door to Arthur's rooms. If the prince had investigated a noise in the middle of the night, surely he would come if Merlin screamed for help? But he had to bide his time. Having Clarissa this close wouldn't help matters.

"So why the pendant?" he asked, trying to deny how hard his heart was pounding. "Why the love?"

"Surely you must realise the more emotional you are, the stronger your magic?"

Merlin blinked. She spoke in such a matter of fact tone, but it wasn't anything he had considered before. Now he thought about it, he realised she was right. Unfortunately, it tended to be desperation that made his spells work. Clarissa clearly saw in his expression that he understood. She sat down on the edge of the bed, one finger resting on the pendant.

"I thought if I could make you love me, you would give up your power freely. I'd be able to take it without hurting you, without you ever knowing. But your heart is troubled, Merlin. You won't allow yourself to love."

Merlin looked away. He was not going to discuss Freya with her. His grief over her was why he had allowed himself to be drawn to Clarissa, hoping there would be someone he could help rather than fail.

"So," Clarissa pressed on, unperturbed by his silence, "I realised if you wouldn't love, I had to make you hate. I must say, there is more anger in you than I thought. I have never seen the pendant react that strongly before."

Merlin felt his cheeks flare. He knew she was telling the truth. The pendant might have brought forth the anger, but it hadn't created it. It had been buried inside of him. Frustration and hurt over failing Freya, annoyance at being overlooked by Arthur, tired of being used by both Arthur and Gaius… The pendant had brought to the surface everything he had kept hidden, feelings he wasn't even aware he was feeling.

"I can help you," Clarissa said softly. "Give up your magic to me and so many of your troubles will be eased."

"I didn't ask for it," Merlin confessed. "And all it does is put me in danger."

"Exactly. I can help you, Merlin."

"But-," Merlin turned his head and looked directly at Clarissa. "It's part of me. It's who I am. I can't – I won't – give that up."

"I see." Clarissa stood, her voice cold and her posture tense. "Then you leave me no choice."

She stalked across the room and Merlin strained his neck trying to watch her movements. He considered using her distraction as a chance to try and free himself, but she turned towards him too quickly. Merlin decided to wait. If he knew what she was doing, he would be better prepared in future. To run now might mean that he would never know.

There was a beaker in her hand, one similar to Gaius'. As she moved closer again, Merlin realised it _was_ one of Gaius'. Clarissa was mixing something in it, chanting softly under her breath. Merlin shivered, a cold tingle running down his spine as her eyes flashed gold. He hadn't sensed it; hadn't realised she had magic too.

And he had invited her right into the heart of Camelot.


	7. Chapter 7

_Well, life has an annoying habit of getting in the way of writing! Thank you to everyone who is still sticking with me and I hope you like this next chapter!_

* * *

Arthur didn't know what had hit him.

Literally.

The last thing he remembered was attempting to escort Merlin out and his servant babbling on about things changing colour and heating up. Arthur had dismissed it; Merlin always had a theory on the go.

Now he was coming around with a groan, sprawled against the wall. Arthur gingerly pushed himself upright, tenderly feeling the back of his head. There was no blood, but a reasonable sized lump where he had hit the stonework. He could also feel a bruise throbbing on his cheek. If it wasn't for that bruise, he would have said he didn't know what happened.

He did know… he just didn't believe it. Since when had Merlin had the strength to deliver a punch so powerful?

Arthur knew what his father would do. He would call for the guards and have Merlin thrown in the cells, at the very least. But Arthur couldn't be bothered. Merlin would never change and would most likely give the guards the slip. Arthur still hadn't worked out how he had remained in Camelot for the entire time Catrina had the guards on his tail. There was clearly more to Merlin than Arthur had acknowledged.

Arthur didn't have the strength to deal with his servant right now. Instead, he fell into bed and sank straight into sleep, hoping to wake up and find it was a bad dream.

The black mark on his face indicated otherwise when he rose the next morning. When a servant he didn't know brought him his breakfast, Arthur was determined to get answers. But the young man bowed and hastily retreated before Arthur had even thrown the blankets off. Feeling thoroughly put out, Arthur stabbed moodily at his sausages and tried to work out what was going on. He had never seen Merlin that angry before, nor had he suspected Merlin even knew how to punch properly. Arthur wanted to forget what his servant had been talking about before, but he couldn't. Was Merlin right? Was there magic at work and this time, it was his servant who was the target?

It made sense. Everyone knew the two of them were close, despite Arthur's best efforts to appear otherwise. Merlin had constant access to the Crown Prince, plus he knew Arthur's schedule better than anyone. He also – Arthur was loathe to admit – knew Arthur's feelings. He would be a perfect target. Get to Merlin, and an assassin would have a clear route to Arthur.

Arthur dressed in his training clothes and waited for Merlin to turn up. He never did.

Arthur refused to go and look for him though. Merlin had hit him; it was up to his servant to come back to apologise. Arthur was not going to chase after him. If he was wrong about an enchantment, he would look a fool. And if he was right… Arthur knew he would need his wits about him and right now, his mind was clouded and confused. Training would set things to right.

He heard the gasp of surprise when his men saw his face and Arthur regretted not putting his helmet on before he arrived. Leon understood his expression though and quickly took control, dividing the men up and sending them on their way. When the pair of them were alone in the middle of the training field, Leon fixed Arthur with a look that meant the prince knew he had to say something.

"I got into a fight," he admitted quietly.

"With?"

Arthur took a breath. "Merlin."

"Sire!" Leon glanced around, looking for the servant. This time, it was Arthur who understood Leon. If Arthur had a bruise this dark, Merlin should be a mess in comparison. "Is he with Gaius?"

"I didn't touch him."

"My Lord?"

Dropping his voice, Arthur told Leon what happened. He trusted his knight not to act rashly and sure enough, Leon stared off into the distance thoughtfully when Arthur finished.

"You think he has been enchanted?"

"It makes sense. His behaviour, his anger…"

"Have you ever considered that, well…" Leon trailed off and looked away. Arthur stared at him before he realised what his knight was trying to say.

"You think I deserved it?"

"No!" He looked back at Arthur and sighed. "You can be hard on the boy, Sire."

"It doesn't explain where his strength came from." Arthur refused to admit that Leon was right. This couldn't have been the first time that Merlin had wanted to punch him. But he knew Merlin; the servant would topple over in a thunderstorm. There was no way he could deliver a knock-out blow without warning. Leon nodded.

"Will you tell your father?"

"Are you mad? He'll execute him before he even considers looking for the source."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Find out for myself. Come, I must train." Arthur beckoned Leon forward, wanting a proper workout to clear his head. He often found his moments of inspiration came while he was working his body.

He trained for the allotted time, but no sudden clarity dawned on him while he traded blows with his men. Arthur wasn't sure he felt a lot better as he stalked towards the castle, collaring the first servant he saw and ordering a bath to be drawn in his chambers. He knew better than to expect Merlin would have returned. He wondered if his servant was even still in Camelot. If he was enchanted, Merlin could be anywhere.

The servant was efficient – far more so than Merlin – and Arthur didn't have to wait long until he was sinking into the hot water and washing away the grime from training. Once he had bathed, Arthur decided he would go to Gaius and see if Merlin was there. If not, he would be able to share his theory and see if the physician had any words of wisdom to help. Then he would locate Merlin and do whatever need to be done to get the clumsy idiot back to himself again. Arthur refused to admit the silence in his chambers felt uncomfortable without Merlin's usual chatter annoying him.

He finished bathing, dressed and made sure he buckled his sword around his waist. For good measure, he slipped his dagger through the belt as well. If someone was enchanting his servant to get to him, Arthur knew he had to face the possibility that his life was in danger. Again. But for now, he wanted to make sure he focused on getting his servant back. He planned to torment Merlin for all eternity about his punch, but for that to happen, he needed the man where he could see him.

Arthur softly opened his door and slipped into the corridor beyond. As his door shut behind him, he paused, his heart thudding uncomfortably hard. He knew he needed to see Gaius – it was the best starting place for figuring out what was happening to Merlin (not to mention the servant was most likely to be there). But unease trickled down his back, making him shiver even as he carefully examined the corridor. No one was there, not even the guards on their patrol. That was nothing out of the ordinary, but it put Arthur on edge.

He took a few paces down the corridor before stopping again. He was convinced he had heard something. He strained his ears, listening, but the corridor was silent. Deciding his nerves were making him hear things, Arthur set off again. And promptly stopped.

He knew that voice. Merlin's cry echoed in his ears even as Arthur spun on the spot. For a wild moment, he couldn't figure out where the noise was coming from. Then his gaze fell on the door the other side of his room and he cursed himself for a fool. He had already suspected the girl, knowing he had witnessed her rage in the night even if Merlin didn't believe him. Arthur couldn't help but feel that Merlin was now learning for real that Arthur had been telling the truth and she was not to be trusted.

Arthur hurried back the other way and stopped in front of the door. Then he drew his sword. She had appeared a meek girl apart from that moment of rage. But having seen what he had, and knowing that magic had to be involved (Merlin was pathetic, but Arthur was sure even he could overpower a _girl_ ), Arthur knew not to underestimate her. Part of him wished to shout for the guards, but he knew the element of surprise may be the only thing that could keep either him or his servant from being killed.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur stiffened his resolve, tightened his grip on his sword and kicked the door.

Unfortunately for him, it was locked from the inside and Arthur overbalanced, not having expected the resistance. He was suddenly glad for the lack of guards. This time, he rammed his shoulder against it, knowing he no longer had the advantage. On his third collision, he felt the door give and managed to regain his balance before charging in.

He wouldn't forget the sight that greeted him.

MMM

Merlin struggled with everything he had against the bindings holding him down. He tried reaching for his magic, but all he encountered was a wall of anger. He was furious and although he knew the pendant burning on his chest was responsible, it was hard to control himself. The fact that the anger was cutting him off from his own magic only fuelled his hatred for everything, which tightened the restraints over his power. Try as he might though, Merlin couldn't calm down.

Clarissa sat on the edge of the bed, unperturbed by her prisoner snarling at her. She had used a small knife to cut Merlin's shirt away, dipping her fingers in the paste and drawing symbols across his torso. Merlin noticed she was careful to avoid touching the pendant, but considering his position, there wasn't a lot he could do in order to take advantage of that. He refused to ask her what she was doing, his anger making him bite his tongue and glower instead.

It didn't take long before he started to get an idea though. The completed symbols appeared to glow the same red as the pendant for a moment before fading into his skin, a dark brown in contrast to his pale stomach. Merlin didn't understand what the symbols meant; they were unlike anything he had seen before. He knew it couldn't mean anything good though and as a second symbol faded, he felt a strange pull in his abdomen.

He jerked, grunting with the strange sensation. Clarissa looked at him and smiled. She looked exactly as she had before; wide-eyed and innocent, her smile full of warmth.

"It's starting," she said softly. She put the pot to one side and cupped Merlin's cheek, forcing him to look at her. "It's going to hurt, Merlin. I need you to be strong."

"Go to hell," Merlin spat, using the pendant as an excuse to forgo his usual manners. Clarissa picked up the pot again and began tracing more runes with greater speed. Anticipation seemed to radiate from her but Merlin was too busy focusing on the tugging sensation in his gut. He felt like something was trying to claw its way free and from what Clarissa had said before, he had a good idea of what. His magic was taking the only escape granted to it right now.

Merlin could feel sweat beading his forehead and a whimper escaped him before he could hold it back. He tried pulling back from Clarissa, but both her touch and his bonds kept him in place. Merlin went back to struggling physically, but it was no good.

He felt momentary relief when Clarissa stopped with the runes. Then his eyes went wide as she began drawing corresponding symbols up her own arms and across the top of her chest. Merlin could feel his magic straining in her direction and knew whatever power she was wielding; it was strong enough to challenge his own.

"Don't do this," Merlin grunted. The feeling of his magic trying to escaped helped; it gave him something to focus on rather than the anger. He took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself. It didn't work.

"I'm sorry," Clarissa said calmly. "But I need your power."

"Why?" Merlin snarled. "What reason could you have for being such a-,"

"Come, Merlin," Clarissa chided. "I know you don't want to insult an innocent girl."

"There's nothing innocent about you, witch!"

Clarissa sighed. She put the pot down on the edge of the bed and eased herself further on. Merlin struggled, but she had tied the ropes well and without his magic, he couldn't free himself. Clarissa traced one of the runes she had drawn, her expression wistful.

"I have the potential for so much more," she whispered. "I can control magic as powerful as yours. But the magic… It slips away from me, like a draining goblet. I have to keep refilling it if I want to remain strong."

Merlin stared at her. If that was the case – and he had no reason to suspect otherwise – how many other sorcerers had she killed for her own benefit? How many had been trapped by their emotions, either falling in love with her or controlled by a hatred they couldn't master?

"You understand, don't you?" Clarissa continued. "You can feel it now; the frustration at being trapped and not being able to use your power. I know what I am capable of, but it is denied to me. Tell me you understand?"

"What I understand," Merlin said carefully, "is that you are putting power over the lives of innocent people."

Focusing on her explanation, learning why this was happening, helped clarity return to Merlin. He still felt angry, but he ignored it, concentrating on understanding her motives. If he didn't think about his magic, if he didn't consider how angry he was, he could ignore it.

"Honestly, Merlin." Clarissa let out a small laugh as she stood, reaching for the pot again. "Do you expect me to believe that you are innocent? That you haven't killed?"

"That's different," Merlin spat. He was nothing like her. Everything he had done was to keep Arthur safe, to fulfil his destiny so magic-users wouldn't have to fear for their lives under Arthur's reign. He took no pleasure in it and it had never been for his own benefit.

As the anger flooded him again, Merlin jerked. This time, his limited movement was enough as his leg caught the pot just before Clarissa could get a grip. It fell off with a clatter and Merlin knew by the look of outrage on Clarissa's face that the contents were running across the floor.

Clarissa turned to him, her hand outstretched. Instantly, the pendant on his chest erupted in a fiery heat and Merlin cried out, his head thrown back as he twisted, trying to free himself from the torment. Pain radiated from the spot where the pendant touched him, spreading through his body. Drenched in sweat, Merlin groaned as he tried to move away, but there was nowhere for him to go.

After a few moments – that stretched a lifetime – the pain faded as the pendant cooled. Merlin gulped down erratic breaths, struggling to calm his thundering heart. The pain had driven away the anger though and as Merlin lay there, panting, he knew his thoughts were his own.

Before he could react – or even attempt to reach for his magic – the door shuddered in its hinges. Both Merlin and Clarissa looked at it as it shook again. Merlin smiled, knowing someone was trying to gain entrance. He wasn't in this fight alone.

Clarissa snatched up the pot, her hand disappearing into it as she strained for the last remnants of her potion. She used her sleeve to knock the pendant out of the way and began tracing a final rune on Merlin – directly over his heart this time. Merlin twisted and moved as much as he could, but Clarissa never faltered as she drew quickly.

Merlin didn't know if she had completed the ritual properly, but already could feel his magic reacting to this incomplete symbol. He bit his lip, determined not to give her the satisfaction of crying out. If she completed this, if she took his power… Merlin had no idea what would happen.

The door burst open violently, crashing into the wall. Clarissa whipped around but her position meant Merlin couldn't see who his saviour was.

"Get away from him," a dangerous voice said. A voice that Merlin knew. A noise escaped him, halfway between a sob and a laugh. It didn't matter that Arthur had no idea what he had walked in on. He wouldn't let Clarissa go through with her plan. Merlin was also acutely aware of his position and knew Arthur wouldn't let him forget being tied to a bed by a girl, either.

Clarissa moved faster than Merlin would have given her credit for. She sprung from the bed and across the room, snatching up a knife as she did so.

"You're the honourable Prince of Camelot," she mocked, eyes glinting with previously-hidden malice. "You wouldn't hurt a girl."

Arthur twirled his sword around his hand. "Put the knife down."

"She has magic!" Merlin cried. He didn't know what powers Clarissa possessed without the ritual being complete. But she could control the pendant, so was far from helpless. Arthur glanced at him even as Clarissa pointed at the pendant again.

The last thing Merlin saw was Clarissa advancing on Arthur, her knife ready. The prince wasn't watching her, though. He was staring at Merlin, horrified as the servant's body bucked and a hoarse scream escaped Merlin's throat at the pain the pendant was causing, greater than even before. He knew he had to warn Arthur, he had to do something to protect his destiny.

But it didn't matter how much he wanted to. His body obeyed only the pain and darkness descended on him.


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you again for the lovely reviews! Only one more chapter after this - I better start thinking of something new!_

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Horror crashed through Arthur as he watched, helpless, while Merlin writhed in pain before slumping. Arthur was no stranger to injury and pain; his knights had pledged to die for Camelot and they all knew death stalked a battlefield.

But Merlin was his servant, an innocent man who had no right looking so pale and weak.

Arthur turned as Clarissa lunged at him, catching her wrist with ease and forcing the knife away. Casually, he rested his sword against her throat and forced her back across the room, circling the bed as he did so.

"What did you do to him?"

Clarissa didn't answer, struggling in his hold. Arthur was wary. Merlin's shout meant the prince knew he was potentially in over his head; he had no defence against magic. But as long as she attacked him physically, he had the upper hand.

"If he dies," Arthur continued, "there will be nowhere in this kingdom - or any other - where you will be able to hide from me."

"Like you care," Clarissa spat at him, struggling to free her knife-hand but to no avail. "He told me how you treat him. He's just your servant, certainly not your friend. Why do you care what happens to him?"

"You're wrong," Arthur said quietly. "You're both wrong."

It hurt to think that Merlin thought that about him, even if his face still throbbed from his servant's blow. But then Arthur checked himself. He was talking to a sorcerer, one who had tried to kill his servant and, given the chance, would plunge her knife into his heart. She was trying to get past his defences and Arthur steeled himself, refusing to let her get to him.

In one swift movement, he let go of Clarissa's wrist but directed his sword at her heart, keeping her pressed against the wall. Without taking his eyes off her, he reached over. Merlin's pulse was erratic and weak, but Arthur only cared that he had one.

"Merlin?"

The body on the bed didn't even stir. Arthur sighed, changing angle and slapping his servant around the face. He was rewarded with a soft grunt and Arthur inwardly relaxed. Merlin was annoying as hell when he was conscious, but Arthur much preferred that compared to this silent and still Merlin.

He turned his attention back to Clarissa.

"You know that sorcery is punishable by death in Camelot." His voice was low and threatening. His experience with Morgause had reinforced his heart against magic. It didn't matter she had the appearance of an innocent girl. She was a witch and Arthur intended to see her pay the price for that. He ignored the voice in his head that told him he was so furious because she had hurt his friend and that the whole escapade had taken place in the room next door to his.

"You seem to believe I plan on staying around?" Clarissa looked him directly in the eye, smirking challengingly before once again pointing her hand at Merlin.

"No!" Arthur cried, twisting to face his servant. Clarissa took advantage of his distraction, lashing out and kicking him in the back of the knee. Arthur stumbled, using the bed to support himself. But by the time he steadied himself, Clarissa had made it to the other side of the room and was disappearing out of the door.

"Guards!" Arthur yelled, taking a step after her. But a small whimper drew his attention. Merlin was conscious, but pain filled his eyes and his hands had clenched to fists in their bonds. Arthur glanced at the pendant, only to see it burning red. His servant's skin was turning the same colour and Arthur knew he had to trust the guards to find Clarissa. He needed to help Merlin, regardless of what his friend thought of him.

He put his sword down and reached for the pendant.

"Don't." Merlin's voice was hoarse, but stronger than Arthur had expected. Arthur locked eyes with the man.

"I have to get it off you." Arthur spoke slowly, soothingly, as if reassuring an injured animal. He tried smiling faintly, but had no idea if he pulled it off again. "I have to help."

He didn't know himself what he was implying but was fully aware that Merlin had tried to tell him about the pendant and Clarissa, and Arthur had ignored him. He needed to rectify that. He stretched for the pendant and Merlin hissed as he brushed against damaged skin.

"Don't touch it!" Merlin suddenly shouted, making Arthur jump.

"It needs to come off."

"Don't! Not with your bare hand!"

Arthur understood and flushed. "I'm the prince, Merlin, you can't shout at me," he muttered, attempting to cover his pounding heart. He hadn't considered what the pendant might do to him if he had touched it with his bare hand.

"You're a prat," Merlin muttered, resting his head back against the pillow. Arthur used the edge of the blankets – trapped under Merlin's body – to wrap his hand before awkwardly fumbling for the pendant. It took him a few attempts to grasp it without full dexterity, but he finally pulled it away from Merlin's chest. Dropping it to the floor, he drew his sword and hacked away a piece of the linen before securely wrapping the pendant in the blanket and tossing it to one side, satisfied that it wouldn't hurt anyone else.

Then he turned back to his servant and winced. "You need to get to Gaius," he said, staring at the nasty burn on the man's chest. Merlin's eyes had closed and Arthur could see he was exhausted.

"Bit tied up right now," Merlin muttered without looking at him. His tone was different though. He sounded tired and drained, but the edge of hatred that had infiltrated his voice previously had vanished. Arthur glanced at the pendant, wondering if it had done more than burn his servant.

"Come on," Arthur said softly. Merlin was not the only one feeling tired. He pulled free his knife and made short work of untying his servant. Grabbing Merlin's wrist, Arthur muttered an apology when Merlin hissed in pain, adjusting his position until he could support the man. He was certain that if he should let go, Merlin would fall over.

"We really need to work on your defence skills," Arthur said, navigating them around the bed and towards the door. "You were defeated by a girl."

"I also defeated you," Merlin muttered. His head was hanging and his breathing was shallow. Arthur knew his chest was paining him greatly but it didn't surprise him that Merlin didn't say anything about it. In their few years together, Arthur couldn't name a single time Merlin had genuinely complained about being injured or sick.

"About that," Arthur said, adjusting his hold and hoisting Merlin up. "Care to explain?"

He suspected the pendant had changed Merlin's emotions and given him the power to deliver such a blow. But he wanted – needed – to hear Merlin say it, to know for sure that his servant didn't hate him.

"I'm sorry?" Merlin murmured as a way of explanation. He began to take more of his own weight and Arthur let him. They both had their pride, after all.

"No urge to do it again?"

"Not at the moment," Merlin said. He lifted his head and Arthur was relieved to see a shadow of a grin. "Maybe the next time you send me to muck out your stables."

"Very funny." Arthur took a step away, but made sure he was in reach in case Merlin decided to swoon or something equally as girly. He opened the door, carefully checking the corridor beyond. A guard noticed him immediately.

"Sire!" He snapped to attention and Arthur nodded at him.

"The girl?"

"She was apprehended in the courtyard, Sire. The men have taken her to the dungeons."

"Very well. Dismissed."

"But, My Lord-,"

"Dismissed."

The guard saluted and marched away. Arthur knew it went against their nature and training to leave him after an attack, especially one that had taken place so close to his own chambers. But this wasn't about him, it was about Merlin, and Arthur knew the last thing Merlin needed was for guards and knights to hang around.

"Come on," Arthur said, leading the way. He moved down the corridor, then looked back at Merlin. Although his servant was putting one foot in front of the other, Arthur knew it would be a struggle to get him to the physician's chambers, not without causing him great pain. Arthur sighed.

"In there," he said, motioning to his own door. Merlin's eyes widened in surprise but Arthur pretended not to notice as he turned back.

"Guard!"

It took less than a minute before the same man came jogging back into view, looking confused and a little put-out. Arthur suppressed a grin.

"Fetch Gaius to my chambers immediately."

"Yes, Sire."

The guard moved off again but hesitated at the end of the corridor, clearly expecting another conflicting order. Arthur said nothing though and slipped into his room in order to examine his foolish servant.

MMM

The late afternoon sun cast dancing patterns across his floor and Merlin watched, hypnotised. It was easier like this, easier to clear his mind and watch the dust swirl in the soft light than think about what had happened. He couldn't escape it though, not when he could feel the burn every time he moved.

Gaius had arrived at Arthur's chambers before they had been forced to address the issue at hand: namely, that Merlin had been enchanted and as a consequence, had attacked his master. Merlin knew it wasn't a conversation that could be put off forever, but he was grateful not to have to face it yet.

The physician had paled when he saw Merlin's chest and instantly set about mixing herbs and creams together before smearing the whole thing over the burn. It had stung, but Arthur's presence meant Merlin had gritted his teeth and kept quiet. The respect he saw in the prince's eyes made it worth it and Merlin clung to that expression. It meant Arthur didn't loathe him for what he had done and wasn't about to sack him for punching the Crown Prince of Camelot.

After Gaius had declared there was nothing further he could do than keep an eye on the healing process, he had marched Merlin back to their chambers. The warlock had shaken his head to Gaius' questions, exhausted and drained in more ways than one. His magic was still trying to settle after Clarissa's runes but it was more than that. Merlin felt saddened by her actions, feeling as if they were a reflection on him. While he had Arthur to protect and serve, a normal relationship was out of the question for him.

He knew it was nonsense – not everyone was a magic-sucking sorceress who wanted to steal his power. But Merlin was tired and emotional and he didn't want to deal with anyone. Crashing down on his bed, he had fallen into a fitful sleep, dozing the afternoon away.

He wasn't sure he felt better now he was awake. If he was honest, Merlin didn't know what he was supposed to feel. If Arthur had killed her in self-defence – or in defence of Merlin – then the warlock knew he would be grateful. If she had escaped, he would be wary, worried his secret was no longer safe and that she may kill again. But knowing she was locked up beneath the castle, awaiting Uther's judgement left him torn. He had genuinely liked her in the beginning, after all.

A knock on the door made Merlin look up from the floor.

"I'm not hungry, Gaius," he said, not feeling ready to face the old man. The door opened anyway and Merlin swallowed his retort when Arthur stepped in.

"Then it's a good job I didn't bring any food," the prince said. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and Merlin realised how out of place the man looked, standing in Merlin's small room.

"Did you need something, Sire?" Merlin asked, nonplussed as to why the prince was currently staring at him.

"What? Oh, no." Arthur sighed, perching on the edge of the bed and looking more awkward than before. "I've just come from my father."

"Oh?"

"He wanted to know what happened and why there is a sorcerer in the dungeons at my request."

"Oh." Merlin chewed his lip for a moment. "What did you tell him?"

"That she attempted to attack me, got the wrong room and fled when I confronted her. The guards can confirm the rest of the story."

"Right." Merlin didn't know what to say. He was grateful that Arthur had left him out of it as he had no desire to stand in front of the king. The pendant's effects had worn off, but Merlin's turmoil of emotions meant he couldn't be certain what would come out of his mouth if he was questioned. The last thing he needed was to draw Uther's attention and make the king wonder who the real target had been.

"What did happen, Merlin?" Arthur fixed him with a piercing glare and Merlin dropped his gaze. He knew he had to say something, but he wasn't sure how much of the truth he could tell Arthur. He trusted the prince, he did, but he knew now was not the right time to reveal everything. Luckily, Arthur's own fabrication of events gave him an idea.

"You weren't far off," Merlin said softly, avoiding Arthur's gaze. "She was coming for you."

He fell silent, his mind racing to put together a story that Arthur would believe. Although Merlin had grown used to the prince's flaws, he knew he could use Arthur's arrogance and self-importance against him now. Arthur wouldn't question why a sorcerer would want to attack him – he would never consider that it might be about someone else.

"You've probably noticed over the last few days that I haven't been myself."

"Understatement. I'm not an idiot, Merlin." Arthur gestured to his black eye and for a moment, Merlin lost track of his train of thought as he wondered how Arthur had explained that one to the king. Claiming it was from Clarissa would be worse for Arthur's pride than admitting his servant had knocked him out.

"It was the pendant," Merlin said quickly. "It did something to me. It made me so angry, at everything. I hated everything, I…" Merlin realised he was breathing quickly, his hands clenched into fists. His wrists were bruised from where he had fought the restraints and he knew his ankles weren't any better.

"Hey." Arthur's hand momentarily touched his shoulder before he dropped it. "It's over. Gaius has the pendant, you're safe now."

Merlin nodded, catching his breath and managing a faint smile. "She wanted me to hate you, to betray you. She hoped that if she could make me angry enough, she would be able to use me to get to you."

"How?"

"Either I would let her into your rooms or…" Merlin gulped. "I would kill you for her."

"Well," Arthur said, a false note of cheer in his voice, "good job her magic is as bad as your punch."

"I knocked you out, Arthur."

"You caught me by surprise, that's all."

"Uh huh." Merlin looked over at his master, caught Arthur's eye and grinned. Arthur smiled back and Merlin relaxed. Arthur didn't hate him and so far, seemed to buying his story.

"I'm sorry," Arthur suddenly said and Merlin stared at him in surprise.

"For what?"

"She put you through that to get to me. I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of it."

"Arthur," Merlin paused. He ran his fingers through his hair, not sure what to say. But he had to say something because he knew Arthur, and knew the prince would continue to blame himself. "I've been in the middle of this since I became your servant. It's fine."

It was easy to reassure him. Merlin couldn't blame him for something Arthur had nothing to do with nor would he let the prince blame himself. Arthur cleared his throat self-consciously and Merlin smiled. Arthur had gone back to being a prince and once again seemed uneasy at being in Merlin's room.

"My father," he began before looking away and swallowing. "I want you to hear this from me. My father has ordered for her to be hung at dawn."

Merlin waited for conflicting emotions. But they never came. He nodded slowly instead. Clarissa was no better than the others that had used their powers for evil. She was nothing like Freya and Merlin knew he had only liked the illusion she had presented him with. The real Clarissa, the true girl, had tried to take his power by force and she would kill again to hold onto it. She was a murderer.

In this one instance, Merlin agreed with the king's judgement.

Arthur stood up and moved towards the door. He looked back before he left though.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," he said, "I know you liked her."

The door shut before Merlin had a chance to respond. Grateful that he didn't have to lie any more, the warlock rested back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Arthur's visit had eased his mind and Merlin knew what Arthur was like when it came to emotions – they would probably never speak of this again.

Merlin knew silence was for the best – Arthur could never find out what Clarissa had truly been after. But that meant he had to deal with his troubled thoughts by himself and Merlin had never been good at brooding. He half-rose, intending to go and see Clarissa. Then he crashed back down, knowing it was a bad idea. Whether she had truly loved him or not was irrelevant – her lust for power was what mattered.

Merlin didn't want to admit it, but he was scared to confront her again on his own. Not when he didn't have to.


	9. Chapter 9

_Here we are: the final chapter. Thank you to those who have stuck by me, despite it taking a while to update each time. I hope you enjoy this final chapter._

* * *

"Why?" Merlin kept his voice low, making sure the guards couldn't hear him.

Clarissa looked up at him from the floor. She had only been locked up a few hours, but already her hair hung in loose strands over her face and her clothes were dirty and torn. Merlin wondered how hard she had fought the guards and whether she had attempted to use any of his stolen power.

Merlin had felt it, lying there tied to the bed. Her ritual may have failed but she had succeeded in drawing some of his magic. Even now, when she stared up at him, he could see the echoes of that power in her eyes.

"You've never been powerless," she said, venom in her voice, "you've never known what it is like to be ignored, to be pushed around and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Haven't I?" Merlin responded coolly. If it was just about the magic, he might have forgiven her. But she had turned him against Arthur, against those he cared about. He would never forgive himself for giving into the hatred that the pendant had caused and couldn't find it in his heart to forgive her either. Freya had been terrified of being a monster: Clarissa appeared to embrace it.

"You've been in Camelot long enough to know that I don't get what I want: I don't click my fingers and get my way. Magic is a gift, Clarissa, it's not something to be used to make everyone treat you with respect. That respect can only be earned in the traditional sense."

"Stop pretending, Merlin." Clarissa stood up, her hands clenched around the bars and a dangerous smile on her face. "I didn't create any of the feelings in you. The pendant isn't that powerful. It just brings your deepest feelings to the surface. If you weren't frustrated, if you didn't hold that anger in your heart, nothing would have happened. Stop blaming me for your own flaws."

Merlin swallowed. He refused to step back though, refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing she had got to him. He had been afraid that was the case. Between Arthur's treatment of him (although Merlin had to admit it had been better since the prince had admitted he had been right about Sigan) and allowing himself to love only to lose Freya, there had been frustration brewing in his heart. How could there not be: he had a destiny and yet Arthur still overlooked everything Merlin did.

But he wouldn't act on those feelings, not now, not ever. Merlin comforted himself with knowing it was his actions that defined him, not his thoughts. As long as he kept those frustrations to himself, he was still a good person. He was still worthy to serve Arthur.

"Maybe you're right," Merlin said quietly, his voice shaking, "but that didn't give you any right to try and take my magic. To force me to deal with those emotions."

"You could have just loved me."

Clarissa stepped back from the bars and Merlin shook his head. He could see it now; she wasn't sorry in the least. There was no regret, no remorse over what she had done, the friendship she had betrayed. Merlin knew none of her feelings had been real, but to see it so plainly hurt.

Was he doomed to never love?

"Time's up," a voice said. Merlin glanced at the guard and nodded. He knew Arthur had arranged for him to be allowed to visit the prisoner. It had helped. Seeing clearly that Clarissa didn't care and that she would do it again – do anything – to get power meant Merlin knew there was no saving her now.

And that wasn't his fault.

"Goodbye, Clarissa," he said, his voice heavy. She just stared at him and Merlin walked away, his heart as heavy as his voice.

He shivered when he reached the top of the stairs and knew that he needed to see the sun and feel its warming rays. He moved through the corridors and didn't stop until he had reached the courtyard and was sitting down on the steps. The courtyard was a sun trap and Merlin closed his eyes, allowing the warmth to spread through his body and calm his racing heart.

Knowing that Clarissa was right and that the emotions had been his and his alone left him with a problem. He knew he couldn't bury them again or there would be no telling when they would resurface to cause destruction. But he didn't know how to address them – he could hardly tell Arthur he was a prat and expect the prince to take him seriously, nor could he tell the truth about Freya.

"Hello, Merlin."

Merlin looked up and smiled – a genuine one for the first time in days – at seeing Gwen hesitantly sit down next to him. The girl looked at him, concerned.

"Are you alright? Arthur said-," she trailed off, blushing, but warmth exploded in Merlin and this time, it was nothing to do with the sun.

Arthur had told Gwen. Arthur had asked her to come out here because he knew he couldn't do it himself.

He cared.

Merlin wondered if knowing that, knowing that Arthur valued their friendship, would be enough to calm his turmoil of emotions.

"I'm sorry," Gwen continued, resting a hand on his arm. "I know you liked her."

Merlin saw his chance.

"I think I loved her," he murmured. He wasn't talking about Clarissa though. He had the chance to talk about a girl he had lost and Gwen never needed to know he was thinking of Freya.

Before he said anything else, Gwen put her arms around him. For once, she didn't say anything, but just held him. Merlin forced himself to think of Freya, to think of his loss and pain and then release it into the safety of Gwen's hold. No matter what Clarissa said, he wasn't alone.

After a while, he drew back and wiped his eyes. There was no judgement in Gwen's eyes and Merlin smiled watery at her.

"Arthur's lucky to have you," he said. He was rewarded by a brilliant blush and Gwen's fingers knotting themselves together as she refused to meet his eye. Merlin nudged her gently.

"It's alright," he said, "you can't help who you fall in love with, even if he is a prat."

"Merlin!"

Gwen continued to look away for a few moments. When she turned and put her hand on Merlin's cheek, he almost overbalanced he was so surprised.

"Tomorrow morning," Gwen said softly. "Morgana said you can come to her chambers. Watch in private. Not watch at all. But you don't have to be in the courtyard."

Merlin sighed heavily. He had been trying not to think about the execution. He took Gwen's hand in his own and slowly drew it away from his cheek, clasping it tight.

"I do," he said. "I have to be there. I have to…" He had to see it but he had no idea how to put that into words. He had liked Clarissa, even if it wasn't love, and he refused to turn away at the end. She had betrayed him, but that didn't mean he was going to do the same to her.

Gwen nodded, although Merlin wasn't sure that she understood.

They sat quietly for a while, both absorbed in their own thoughts before Gwen stood.

"I should return to Morgana," she said, a hint of regret in her voice. It had been a long time since the two of them had been granted any time alone. Merlin nodded and also stood.

"I guess Arthur will be hungry," he muttered, realising he had never brought the prince his breakfast and it was past lunchtime.

He shivered as they moved into the castle, the cool walls appearing darker than usual in comparison to the outside. But Gwen didn't leave his side as they headed towards the kitchen and by the time he reached Arthur's chambers with a laden plate, Merlin was in better spirits than he had been in weeks. He pushed open Arthur's door.

"Ah, Merlin."

The prince was sitting at his table, studying some reports. Merlin slid the tray on without apology, knowing he was late. As he drew away though, Arthur reached out and caught his wrist. Merlin started, only to find the prince was studying him closely. He let go after a moment's scrutiny with a satisfied expression.

"Guinevere found you, then."

It wasn't a question, but Merlin nodded. The fact that Arthur knew just confirmed his suspicions. Arthur had been the one to ask her to come.

"Thank you," Merlin said, sincerely. Arthur merely waved a hand at him and grunted. Merlin grinned as he set about tidying up. He wasn't the only one with emotions he couldn't express, but at least he was holding back the negatives. Arthur couldn't express the positives and Merlin was determined to change that.

MMM

"Come on, Merlin! Keep up!"

Arthur's shout carried back to him on the breeze but Merlin merely smiled and continued at a slow walk, enjoying the tranquillity of the forest. He fondled his horse's ears.

"Always so impatient," he murmured. Arthur had cantered ahead and only now realised that his servant had been left behind. Merlin knew he would speed up eventually and that he would give in to Arthur's demands. It felt like a long time since Arthur had last dragged him on a hunting trip but Merlin had not forgotten the reason why.

Arthur had been trying to cheer him up, to distract him from Freya without ever knowing what the problem was. Merlin hadn't been surprised when a messenger had arrived at Gaius' chambers the evening after Clarissa's execution to tell Merlin he was expected at the stables at dawn. Merlin hadn't complained – much to Gaius' surprise. He thought he understood Arthur better now. Arthur would never say that he cared, but he would show it through gestures. Gestures, Merlin thought with a smile, that could be denied, such as going as a hunt. Arthur would claim it was all about him rather than giving his servant a chance to escape the castle for a while.

"Will you stop daydreaming and come on?"

Merlin jumped as Arthur burst through the bushes in front of him, a scowl on his face. But his cheeks were flushed with the joy of riding and his eyes sparkled with being away from the castle. Merlin knew this wasn't just about him. Arthur wanted the escape as well.

He touched his heels to his mount and took off. "Come on then!" He called back over his shoulder, laughing when he heard Arthur swearing as he tried to turn his horse in order to catch up.

As the morning drew on, the two rode side by side, eventually drawing back to a trot. They didn't speak, but Merlin felt they didn't need too. They both knew why they were out here and there was no need to spoil the moment by voicing that out loud.

As much as he hated hunting, Merlin had to admit that riding through the forest at a fair pace was doing him some good. His mind was clearing and for the first time since meeting Clarissa, he truly felt that his emotions were his own. He also felt calm, no longer eaten away by guilt over things he couldn't control or shame over emotions he couldn't help feeling.

"This way."

Arthur turned them off the path and Merlin had to concentrate as they forced their way over harder terrain. He was just about to ask where they were going when the trees cleared and Merlin found himself in a small clearing. It was bathed in golden light as the sun shone down and a stream trickled through it. It was beautiful.

"I'm starving," Arthur complained as he dismounted and led his horse to the stream. They both tethered the beasts where they could reach both water and grass and Arthur stood surveying the area with his hands on his hips as Merlin struggled to unload the picnic.

Merlin eventually got everything laid out, grumbling all the while about princes' not doing their part. He knew Arthur heard him; he saw the man's shoulders stiffen when Arthur realised Merlin was insulting him. But he let it go and instead muttered a gruff thank you when he sat down.

The one thing that Merlin loved about hunting trips was that the kitchens packed up enough for however many were in the party, regardless of whether they were the prince or the servant. Merlin got to eat as royalty. He thought he deserved it after being pulled out here, but eventually, he lay back, full and sleepy. He felt relaxed.

That didn't last long. Sitting up with a scowl, he rubbed his head and glared at Arthur. The prince was holding a branch, similar to the one he had just thrown at his servant's head.

"What are you doing?" Merlin complained, climbing to his feet and watching Arthur warily. He didn't trust what the prince was about to do when he had that glint in his eye.

"Pick it up." Arthur nodded towards the stick on the ground.

"Why?" Still, Merlin did as he was told. No sooner had he gripped the branch when Arthur charged towards him. All it took was one smack of wood on wood and the branch left Merlin's hand again. He stared first at the red mark on his palm, then back at Arthur.

"Pick it up."

"What is this about?"

"Pick it up." Arthur nodded again at the stick, his expression impassive and his posture tense.

Merlin knew Arthur too well. He knew the man would not back down or give in, nor would he give Merlin a straight answer until he felt he had made his point. Unfortunately, Merlin was already beginning to suspect what the point was – and that it was going to hurt. With a groan, he picked up the stick and tried to ready himself, knowing it would do no good.

He was right.

After Arthur had disarmed him for the fifth time, Merlin folded his arms across his chest and glared at his master.

"I'm not picking that up until you tell me what this is about."

"You were defeated by a girl, Merlin." For once, there was no mocking note in Arthur's voice. He sounded serious. "I can't have a servant who can't defend themselves against anyone or anything."

"You seriously think this will work?"

"No," Arthur said, sounding resigned. They both knew he had been trying to train Merlin for years to no avail. "But it's better than people saying I can't protect my own servant."

"So all of this," Merlin said, bending down to pick up the stick. "It's just to protect your reputation?"

"Yep." Arthur sounded far too cheerful for someone who thought protecting their servant meant preventing them from being able to feel their hand.

But Merlin grinned and shook his head. He knew that wasn't true, but it was the excuse Arthur was giving everyone, even himself. If he was honest, it was nice to see Arthur looking this relaxed and happy considering Clarissa's attack had happened in the rooms next to his own chambers.

Seconds later and the stick was back on the floor.

"This is pointless." Merlin bit his lip, an idea forming. "If I can disarm you, even once, can we stop?"

"You really think you can?"

"I did knock you out."

Arthur lifted his chin challengingly and Merlin knew he had won. His master nodded once and that was the only warning that Merlin received that Arthur had both agreed to the deal and was charging once again.

But this time, Merlin remained where he was. Magic filled him up and time slowed him down. He was able to take in Arthur's posture, his footwork and his grip. To his delight, Arthur had grown complacent and his balance was off.

Time resumed and Merlin stepped sharply out of the way. Arthur stumbled, lacking the expected resistance and Merlin smacked his branch against Arthur's. He lashed out so hard that both branches broke in two.

Arthur regained his balance and stared at him in astonishment. "What did you do?"

"Disarmed you," Merlin said cheerfully. His heart was thudding though. He hadn't meant to hit that hard and hoped he hadn't hurt Arthur. What was the point of protecting his destiny if he was only going to hurt him himself?

Arthur grunted and tossed the sticks away. To Merlin's delight, he sat back down again, honouring their agreement. Merlin did the same, examining his bruised hand with a hiss of pain.

"Don't get enchanted again," Arthur said. His tone was commanding and Merlin stared at him in surprise. Arthur hadn't mentioned the magic up until now and Merlin didn't know how to react. He settled for joking, hoping to steer the conversation back onto more familiar ground.

"Yes Sire!"

"I'm serious, Merlin."

"So am I." Merlin lowered his hand and stared at Arthur. "I'd prefer it if you stopped getting enchanted as well."

"It's alright for me, I'm the prince," Arthur said, linking his hands behind his head and lying back. "It makes sense for people to want to enchant me. You, though, that's just embarrassing. Especially by a girl."

"You've been enchanted by a girl several times."

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur shut his eyes, clearly enjoying the afternoon sun. Merlin chuckled and followed suit, letting his magic trickle into the forest around them to ensure that no one else was about.

Arthur was wrong, Merlin could defend himself, probably more effectively than Arthur could. But Clarissa had got to him because he had left his heart unguarded and Merlin swore to never make that mistake again. From now on, he would focus on his destiny and making Arthur the best prince and future king that he could.

If he did that, maybe he would find happiness.


End file.
